The question did not bother me. The statements that came before it did. And, as I have said, I apologize for my assumption. It was not a reflection upon you, but more likely a reflection upon the world I come from.
Do you understand the concept of therapy, Pyra?
I now suspect that he is taking the information I told him in confidence, seeking his advice and input, and using it against me.
I told him of our relationship, and what happened at the wedding. He told me that we are sisters-in-law, which I rejected. He decided I was refusing to take accountability for my cruel behaviour and needed to apologize. I refused, because I couldn't think of a way to give you a genuine apology, and anything less than genuine is unacceptable.
I tried to explain my actions and reasonings for them throughout the time we have known each other. He was not willing to listen. He made it clear he already preferred you to me from the moment your name was brought up.
I already knew I have been treating you unfairly. I had sought reassurance that when I had still tried to form a bond with you that I had put in reasonable effort. That I was not solely to blame for the way things are, because such things are meant to be give and take. There was an imbalance between us, and I did not know how to fix it.
I wanted to receive what I had hoped would be unbiased feedback that I might be able to re-analyze our past interactions and perhaps find a way to return to a politely distant coexistence that wasn't merely 'apologize'. Unfortunately, once he knew who I was speaking about he shifted from telling me I should apologize, to making it clear I am a horrible, abusive person.
Even when I have not had glowing praises for him, and even when I kept his anonymity, I did my best to make sure he would not be thought of badly. That he has tried his best to help. That he was a good person.
So too, when speaking of you, did I try to make it clear I was not throwing the blame on you. I told him it is not your fault. You and I simply have an inherent incompatibility.
I am ill and trying to heal. He offered to help me with my illness. I thought he would. I trusted him and instead he has used it against me.
The most ridiculous part is that it wasn't my intent to speak to him about us. I had another, more pressing concern that I decided against telling him as he is a father and I did not want to upset him.
So no, I will not tell him myself. I will not speak to him of anything ever again, as it is clear that I was a godsdamned idiot for doing so in the first place.
no subject
Do you understand the concept of therapy, Pyra?
I now suspect that he is taking the information I told him in confidence, seeking his advice and input, and using it against me.
I told him of our relationship, and what happened at the wedding. He told me that we are sisters-in-law, which I rejected. He decided I was refusing to take accountability for my cruel behaviour and needed to apologize. I refused, because I couldn't think of a way to give you a genuine apology, and anything less than genuine is unacceptable.
I tried to explain my actions and reasonings for them throughout the time we have known each other. He was not willing to listen. He made it clear he already preferred you to me from the moment your name was brought up.
I already knew I have been treating you unfairly. I had sought reassurance that when I had still tried to form a bond with you that I had put in reasonable effort. That I was not solely to blame for the way things are, because such things are meant to be give and take. There was an imbalance between us, and I did not know how to fix it.
I wanted to receive what I had hoped would be unbiased feedback that I might be able to re-analyze our past interactions and perhaps find a way to return to a politely distant coexistence that wasn't merely 'apologize'. Unfortunately, once he knew who I was speaking about he shifted from telling me I should apologize, to making it clear I am a horrible, abusive person.
Even when I have not had glowing praises for him, and even when I kept his anonymity, I did my best to make sure he would not be thought of badly. That he has tried his best to help. That he was a good person.
So too, when speaking of you, did I try to make it clear I was not throwing the blame on you. I told him it is not your fault. You and I simply have an inherent incompatibility.
I am ill and trying to heal. He offered to help me with my illness. I thought he would. I trusted him and instead he has used it against me.
The most ridiculous part is that it wasn't my intent to speak to him about us. I had another, more pressing concern that I decided against telling him as he is a father and I did not want to upset him.
So no, I will not tell him myself. I will not speak to him of anything ever again, as it is clear that I was a godsdamned idiot for doing so in the first place.
My apologies for ranting.
I am infuriated at the moment.
It is, of course, not your fault.