[Okay... okay, he's got another chance at this. Whether he thinks he's earned it or not (and he does not), he'll take it gratefully. He just has to manage not to screw it up this time.
...No pressure.
He looks down at the communicator again, pursing his lips in a tight crease. Be kinder to himself... as in, don't just accept it as things are, don't blame himself, don't fall into the pit of believing that it's only his behaviour that can change or that this is the way things are and always will be. Because... if he believes that for himself, then he's believing it for Pyra, too. Originally, he'd thought that the rules were different for them both, that he can accept it, but she shouldn't have to. But that's not right. It isn't fair. And this isn't how he should approach this sort of thing. And in practice he'd failed to pull that off anyway.
His fingers curl more tightly, and he takes a deep breath.]
What she did... what she said. She shouldn't have done that. You don't deserve it, and I've just been giving excuses for it. I didn't want to say she was wrong. I... sometimes I can't.
[It's difficult for him. He hates to admit how challenging it is, to point at the behaviour of someone he cares about and go that's wrong, because it hurts me. It used to be easier to do when they were hurting someone else. Now... now, it's harder regardless. The crystal made everything harder.
...But he can only use that excuse for so many things before it rings too hollow. What happened in the crystal might be the source, but he's still the one who has to corral those thoughts and turn them into something less harmful to those around him- and himself.]
You did try. You tried a few times, and she wasn't listening to you. That's not your fault. I want you to keep trying, I want you to be strong and stand up for yourself because you deserve better, but even if you never did, that wouldn't make this okay. It's- it's wrong for her to assume the worst and act like it's some kind of moral high ground. She can't throw all this info at you when you never asked for it, and then be angry that you don't do the same, or just lie down and take it. [He looks up, meeting her gaze worriedly.] I'm proud of you for trying... and I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get there.
no subject
...No pressure.
He looks down at the communicator again, pursing his lips in a tight crease. Be kinder to himself... as in, don't just accept it as things are, don't blame himself, don't fall into the pit of believing that it's only his behaviour that can change or that this is the way things are and always will be. Because... if he believes that for himself, then he's believing it for Pyra, too. Originally, he'd thought that the rules were different for them both, that he can accept it, but she shouldn't have to. But that's not right. It isn't fair. And this isn't how he should approach this sort of thing. And in practice he'd failed to pull that off anyway.
His fingers curl more tightly, and he takes a deep breath.]
What she did... what she said. She shouldn't have done that. You don't deserve it, and I've just been giving excuses for it. I didn't want to say she was wrong. I... sometimes I can't.
[It's difficult for him. He hates to admit how challenging it is, to point at the behaviour of someone he cares about and go that's wrong, because it hurts me. It used to be easier to do when they were hurting someone else. Now... now, it's harder regardless. The crystal made everything harder.
...But he can only use that excuse for so many things before it rings too hollow. What happened in the crystal might be the source, but he's still the one who has to corral those thoughts and turn them into something less harmful to those around him- and himself.]
You did try. You tried a few times, and she wasn't listening to you. That's not your fault. I want you to keep trying, I want you to be strong and stand up for yourself because you deserve better, but even if you never did, that wouldn't make this okay. It's- it's wrong for her to assume the worst and act like it's some kind of moral high ground. She can't throw all this info at you when you never asked for it, and then be angry that you don't do the same, or just lie down and take it. [He looks up, meeting her gaze worriedly.] I'm proud of you for trying... and I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get there.