[A year or so ago, such a question might have gotten him stumbling, flustered, seeking a graceful way to escape the commitment of an answer. Because that's the dream, isn't it? You meet someone, you fall in love, you ask them to marry you and then they do, and that's how you get a family. In the lives of most people, normal people, it can go that route. It isn't... political, it's not a footnote in someone else's treaty proposal, all arranged to save the fate of your nation. He'd wanted to save her for years, and if marrying her achieved that goal, then he'd do it, and maybe they'd have been happy. But then she died, everything washed away, and he'd not allowed himself to think about marrying anyone because there'd never been anyone else, and he didn't deserve it after failing her.
Now... he lets himself think about it, lips pursed, his expression musing as they turn for a bit.]
I never got to propose, [is his response, not answer.] Never got to ask. I was taken to the Citadel one day and told that it was all arranged. Like someone made a doctor's appointment for me. "At 2 o'clock on Tuesday you're permanently tying your life to someone else's."
[That's not an answer. He spins her out and draws her back, eyes following her movement, her expression.]
I don't even know much about proposing. There was a ring. But asking- what if the answer was no? What if I wasn't wanted? I was afraid to ask. I... should have, though. Even if the answer was no, even if we were forced to do it anyway, I should have.
[That's not an answer, either. Closing his eyes as they sway, he imagines if it really went like this- a beautiful day, a dance in the snow of their house (their house!), and then... she asks him if he's proposing? He could say yes. He could get down on one knee with no ring or prepared words and take the easy way out, this path towards a mediocre success that she's opened up for him. He'd say yes, and she'd say yes, and that would be that. Another one he'd not earned. Or maybe she'd say no because she was only teasing him, and he'd be a proper idiot because who the hell thinks that's a good enough proposal for the one they love? Just because she'd thank him for a 10-yen plastic ring doesn't mean he should give her one.]
...No, [is his answer, finally, opening his eyes again. He took too long, but... he hopes it's okay.] Not like this. [She deserves better than this. And he wants to ask.] But when I figure it out, I hope you'll say yes.
no subject
Now... he lets himself think about it, lips pursed, his expression musing as they turn for a bit.]
I never got to propose, [is his response, not answer.] Never got to ask. I was taken to the Citadel one day and told that it was all arranged. Like someone made a doctor's appointment for me. "At 2 o'clock on Tuesday you're permanently tying your life to someone else's."
[That's not an answer. He spins her out and draws her back, eyes following her movement, her expression.]
I don't even know much about proposing. There was a ring. But asking- what if the answer was no? What if I wasn't wanted? I was afraid to ask. I... should have, though. Even if the answer was no, even if we were forced to do it anyway, I should have.
[That's not an answer, either. Closing his eyes as they sway, he imagines if it really went like this- a beautiful day, a dance in the snow of their house (their house!), and then... she asks him if he's proposing? He could say yes. He could get down on one knee with no ring or prepared words and take the easy way out, this path towards a mediocre success that she's opened up for him. He'd say yes, and she'd say yes, and that would be that. Another one he'd not earned. Or maybe she'd say no because she was only teasing him, and he'd be a proper idiot because who the hell thinks that's a good enough proposal for the one they love? Just because she'd thank him for a 10-yen plastic ring doesn't mean he should give her one.]
...No, [is his answer, finally, opening his eyes again. He took too long, but... he hopes it's okay.] Not like this. [She deserves better than this. And he wants to ask.] But when I figure it out, I hope you'll say yes.