[He wants to answer properly, truly he does. She deserves it for helping him through this, allowing him to drag her through one strange memory to another, enduring his confused journey and vague responses as he tries to sort through the sea of information of which he's still barely glossed the surface. But it's so... depressing. Trying to find the words for it in a way that doesn't make it sound miserable is making his head hurt and his heart ache.

Failing that, he shifts closer and wraps his arms around her, drawing her in for a tight embrace, needing her warmth in this moment and, without shame or self-restraint, asking for the comfort she always offers so freely. This sucks. This sucks so much, and that's putting it very lightly. Did he need this realization? Maybe. Maybe he shouldn't have chased it. To know that... all this time, everything he did, everything he already lost and sacrificed... they never believed in him. They thought he needed this, too.

Or maybe he did need it, and he'd just been fooling himself all this time, thinking he was selfless enough to accept his fate without these subconscious thoughts around to bury his resistance. How would he ever know?]

It was... so I wouldn't run. So I wouldn't refuse. [He makes himself say it at last, and every word is a battle. He hates it, hates admitting it.] I wanted to fight it in the Crystal. I remember- I wanted to refuse. Aren't I alive, too? Don't I deserve a chance to live? [It's not fair. I won't do it. I refuse to do it. Isn't there another way? And then those memories came, and he could think of little else.] I didn't want to die. But I saw everyone on Eos... all of their lives. Everyone who died, who still lived. That's the price of my refusing.

[All of them will vanish. His arms tighten around her, and he buries his face, voice muffled.]

I wasn't strong enough. The crystal could tell, so it... made sure I wouldn't back down. They couldn't leave it to chance...