[Her quiet outrage is a kindness and a comfort, strangely. A part of him feels like he's not allowed to get angry at this, after living such a priviledged life, demonstrating time and again how spoiled and sheltered he was, giving those around him such grief. Everyone had cause to complain about his behaviour, everyone struggled with caring for him, keeping him alive. After all that he put them through, the least he can do is die for them, surely.
"Witness his splendor and glory. All hail the Chosen King."
"Pull your head out of your ass already!"
"Those who died for you—do you ever wonder what went through their minds?"
"Many sacrificed all for the King; so must the King sacrifice himself for all."
Of course, of course. It's only fair. It's less than fair. His life is not worth more than- no, it's worth less than-
Her last words draw him out of the flurry of thoughts that swirl together with the memories in his mind, though he struggles to stop himself from focusing on them, when before he'd tried to draw them in, coax them to reveal themselves. Now he wants them to stop, but they're pushing back, their purpose finally brought to light. He needs to get out of here. To leave this world, to go home, fulfill his duty for Eos and its people.
...But.
Wrong, she says.
You don't deserve this, she says.
He shudders, clinging to her, and quietly wills her voice to override what's trying to drown his resistance.]
Why don't I? [he manages weakly.] I wanted to fight, I wanted to run away. I remember it now. It wasn't fair. I thought about what I'd lose, I was scared... that's not selfless. How could I not deserve a reminder of everything we'd lost? Everything we'd lose?
[Just him. If it was just him, it would be okay. The world would carry on. Choose, the crystal resonated within him, demanding his deference, and with those memories weighing on him, he had no choice at all. The fact that he'd even considered it to be a choice was proof that he deserved this.]
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"Witness his splendor and glory. All hail the Chosen King."
"Pull your head out of your ass already!"
"Those who died for you—do you ever wonder what went through their minds?"
"Many sacrificed all for the King; so must the King sacrifice himself for all."
Of course, of course. It's only fair. It's less than fair. His life is not worth more than- no, it's worth less than-
Her last words draw him out of the flurry of thoughts that swirl together with the memories in his mind, though he struggles to stop himself from focusing on them, when before he'd tried to draw them in, coax them to reveal themselves. Now he wants them to stop, but they're pushing back, their purpose finally brought to light. He needs to get out of here. To leave this world, to go home, fulfill his duty for Eos and its people.
...But.
Wrong, she says.
You don't deserve this, she says.
He shudders, clinging to her, and quietly wills her voice to override what's trying to drown his resistance.]
Why don't I? [he manages weakly.] I wanted to fight, I wanted to run away. I remember it now. It wasn't fair. I thought about what I'd lose, I was scared... that's not selfless. How could I not deserve a reminder of everything we'd lost? Everything we'd lose?
[Just him. If it was just him, it would be okay. The world would carry on. Choose, the crystal resonated within him, demanding his deference, and with those memories weighing on him, he had no choice at all. The fact that he'd even considered it to be a choice was proof that he deserved this.]