[That's also a lot to ask of him, and his hands tighten a little, brow creasing.]
I've been trying really hard not to feel anything, when I can get away with it. Guess this shows how well that's working out.
[The truth of their reality is, there's no avoiding this. He can pretend all he wants, but his mind will only let him forget for so long that he's going to die, that he's going to take Ardyn down with him, that his whole life has been leading up towards a sudden ending with no future for him. How does one not fall into despair, in light of all of that? He understands, in moments like this, just why Ardyn feels the way he does. There's no easy answer to the question of why one should even bother walking forward when what awaits you is a cliff's edge.]
It... would have been easier, if I hadn't met him here. And maybe it's a blessing that we don't remember this place. Back home, I wanted to kill him. For a while I hated him.
[He glances sidelong at her, hesitant, wondering if he should or shouldn't ask, until finally-]
When I- you saw it. You saw me. Did it look like I hated him, when he died?
[Maybe it's cruel to ask her, and that worries him, but be couldn't ask Ardyn... or maybe he was just too afraid to. He doesn't want to be that person, the sort of villain Izunia was- bitter and hateful and seeking vengeance against the one who did him wrong. A mercy kill would be better. But he doesn't know if he can trust himself to be that gentle, in the end. Was he happy to see a man die by his hand?]
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I've been trying really hard not to feel anything, when I can get away with it. Guess this shows how well that's working out.
[The truth of their reality is, there's no avoiding this. He can pretend all he wants, but his mind will only let him forget for so long that he's going to die, that he's going to take Ardyn down with him, that his whole life has been leading up towards a sudden ending with no future for him. How does one not fall into despair, in light of all of that? He understands, in moments like this, just why Ardyn feels the way he does. There's no easy answer to the question of why one should even bother walking forward when what awaits you is a cliff's edge.]
It... would have been easier, if I hadn't met him here. And maybe it's a blessing that we don't remember this place. Back home, I wanted to kill him. For a while I hated him.
[He glances sidelong at her, hesitant, wondering if he should or shouldn't ask, until finally-]
When I- you saw it. You saw me. Did it look like I hated him, when he died?
[Maybe it's cruel to ask her, and that worries him, but be couldn't ask Ardyn... or maybe he was just too afraid to. He doesn't want to be that person, the sort of villain Izunia was- bitter and hateful and seeking vengeance against the one who did him wrong. A mercy kill would be better. But he doesn't know if he can trust himself to be that gentle, in the end. Was he happy to see a man die by his hand?]