[ When she hears the recoil in his voice, her eyes widen, knowing that she's done the one thing she had never wanted to ever do. Not too long ago, she had pledged she never wanted to harm him, not even unintentionally. This time, it seems that she truly has. Guilt can maim her, but it's impossible to think of the way it stings when she sees how hurt he is.
She didn't mean to. She had wanted him to think not of her, but of others f his world, others who she believes loves him as well, others who are surely more deserving of him, who are like him, not some crystal immortal that had never meant to walk upon the earth. Others with whom he would have a chance to be happy with, with what time they have in this nexus called Aellyn. It's been on her mind too, most recently coming in without warning after a night of fully loving him, like a monster behind a door, only very real, obvious and ominous enough that she cannot deny it's there. She had been the one to bestow the vision, after all. One day he will die, too soon at that.
None of that matters, however. She can see how he struggles, the words she's so carelessly uttered now no different than that of the marilith's strikes upon his back. How long will these words of hers scar him? She wants to take everything back, but he asks a question first, and she should answer.
Gathering her thoughts, she does. He deserves an answer. ] Because... I think about it.
I think about how you will.... [ She looks away, quickly enough that her cropped hair flutters within the moment, bringing a hand to her mouth to cover a shaky breath. When she composes herself, she continues. ] How you will... [ He knows. ] More often, now. [ Breathlessly, ] More and more, because I keep on loving you more and more, and how I'm not doing enough for you, helping you. [ Her fingers curl inward into a fist, clutching over where her heart would be, as if it would be about to burst. Her eyes lift to meet his. ] Such as-- that morning after a long night together, it happened then. [ He had asked if she was alright. She had brushed it aside, not wanting to spoil the mood.
Her eyes fill with grief as she searches his face. She's sorry, she's sorry, and she's equally sorry that she's both hurt him and that she's infringed on what happiness he could have with others. ] I feel as if I'm denying you something you should have had while you were in your own world: an opportunity to be with them instead, and they, with you. [ Despite her words, she takes a step forward, towards him. While she's not unsteady she feels as if she could fall, but maybe that's just her selfish want to hold onto him that she doesn't. ] That happiness could be yours. Your life lived with them, in this world, could be yours! [ Because there is no way he'll have the same opportunity back in his own world. Desperately, more tears from her throat. ] Isn't that what you want? Isn't that-- isn't that what would hurt you less?
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She didn't mean to. She had wanted him to think not of her, but of others f his world, others who she believes loves him as well, others who are surely more deserving of him, who are like him, not some crystal immortal that had never meant to walk upon the earth. Others with whom he would have a chance to be happy with, with what time they have in this nexus called Aellyn. It's been on her mind too, most recently coming in without warning after a night of fully loving him, like a monster behind a door, only very real, obvious and ominous enough that she cannot deny it's there. She had been the one to bestow the vision, after all. One day he will die, too soon at that.
None of that matters, however. She can see how he struggles, the words she's so carelessly uttered now no different than that of the marilith's strikes upon his back. How long will these words of hers scar him? She wants to take everything back, but he asks a question first, and she should answer.
Gathering her thoughts, she does. He deserves an answer. ] Because... I think about it.
I think about how you will.... [ She looks away, quickly enough that her cropped hair flutters within the moment, bringing a hand to her mouth to cover a shaky breath. When she composes herself, she continues. ] How you will... [ He knows. ] More often, now. [ Breathlessly, ] More and more, because I keep on loving you more and more, and how I'm not doing enough for you, helping you. [ Her fingers curl inward into a fist, clutching over where her heart would be, as if it would be about to burst. Her eyes lift to meet his. ] Such as-- that morning after a long night together, it happened then. [ He had asked if she was alright. She had brushed it aside, not wanting to spoil the mood.
Her eyes fill with grief as she searches his face. She's sorry, she's sorry, and she's equally sorry that she's both hurt him and that she's infringed on what happiness he could have with others. ] I feel as if I'm denying you something you should have had while you were in your own world: an opportunity to be with them instead, and they, with you. [ Despite her words, she takes a step forward, towards him. While she's not unsteady she feels as if she could fall, but maybe that's just her selfish want to hold onto him that she doesn't. ] That happiness could be yours. Your life lived with them, in this world, could be yours! [ Because there is no way he'll have the same opportunity back in his own world. Desperately, more tears from her throat. ] Isn't that what you want? Isn't that-- isn't that what would hurt you less?