[He hears her out without interruption, but the more she speaks the harder it is to look at her. Eventually he glances away, fixing his gaze on some indeterminable point. It occurs to him a little too late that they're having this conversation in public, on some roof near the temple, and how absurd is it that this is the second time they've had something deeply personal occur between them for all the world to see. Their neighbours must be loving all this dirty laundry being aired. Gods, though, this is too important to even be distracted by that, so all he does is keep his voice low as he responds.]
How would it hurt me less, Pyra? To throw you away just because they showed up, like I'd gotten all I wanted from you, like they're better for me just because they're human? You said I was a good person, before. You think I'd ever want to do that? Is that good? Is that who you think I am?
[So many times she'd said it, she'd complimented him- that he's good, that he's wonderful, that he's perfect. And he's not really believed it (he's not, he's trying) but it's such a beautiful aspiration to work towards, the idea of being as good as she thinks he is, as wonderful as she deserves, as perfect as he can get while still remaining himself. He'd wanted to be all of that for her, because she makes him happy, because she does plenty for him and it's he who always feels like he's falling short of what she deserves. That he's selfish to stay with her when she's so amazing and loving and kind, but he's decided that he's okay with that so long as he can make her as happy as she makes him.
If she thinks him capable of this, what she's suggesting, how is he ever supposed to believe those words? If she's trying to do this under some misguided belief that it's for his sake... that isn't better. That doesn't make it okay. In many ways, it makes it worse. Like it's his fault, like he's just been waiting for the chance to replace her with someone more suitable, like he asked for this, when he just said what he'd wanted was-]
If- if you've got second thoughts about this, then say that. If you want to break things off, say that. But don't try to push it off on me like it's what I want and you're holding me back from it. Don't say- gods. [He grimaces abruptly, his breath catching, and he lifts his hands to cover his eyes, feeling more uncomfortably vulnerable than he's felt in ages, stricken and not wanting her to see the look on his face.] What did I do...?
[To make her think for even a second that he's capable of being so callous, even to force herself to consider it- where did he go wrong?]
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How would it hurt me less, Pyra? To throw you away just because they showed up, like I'd gotten all I wanted from you, like they're better for me just because they're human? You said I was a good person, before. You think I'd ever want to do that? Is that good? Is that who you think I am?
[So many times she'd said it, she'd complimented him- that he's good, that he's wonderful, that he's perfect. And he's not really believed it (he's not, he's trying) but it's such a beautiful aspiration to work towards, the idea of being as good as she thinks he is, as wonderful as she deserves, as perfect as he can get while still remaining himself. He'd wanted to be all of that for her, because she makes him happy, because she does plenty for him and it's he who always feels like he's falling short of what she deserves. That he's selfish to stay with her when she's so amazing and loving and kind, but he's decided that he's okay with that so long as he can make her as happy as she makes him.
If she thinks him capable of this, what she's suggesting, how is he ever supposed to believe those words? If she's trying to do this under some misguided belief that it's for his sake... that isn't better. That doesn't make it okay. In many ways, it makes it worse. Like it's his fault, like he's just been waiting for the chance to replace her with someone more suitable, like he asked for this, when he just said what he'd wanted was-]
If- if you've got second thoughts about this, then say that. If you want to break things off, say that. But don't try to push it off on me like it's what I want and you're holding me back from it. Don't say- gods. [He grimaces abruptly, his breath catching, and he lifts his hands to cover his eyes, feeling more uncomfortably vulnerable than he's felt in ages, stricken and not wanting her to see the look on his face.] What did I do...?
[To make her think for even a second that he's capable of being so callous, even to force herself to consider it- where did he go wrong?]