[ She reads a want to understand in Tony's expression, a willingness to be patient, and to listen. ]
Era.... is someone who has so much on her shoulders. [ And this is what she begins with, sympathetic. Ever since she's first met her, she's learned that she is strong. That she fights for her world, and that-- for who she loves, she loves them fiercely. Emet-Selch, Ardbert, her amaro child, her familiars... and she's radiant in the presence of who she loves. ] She wants to protect others. I learned this throughout the year.
At the wedding, even if she didn't trust me, she allowed me to attend. Her heart-- it's so big, like that. [ She pauses briefly, struggling. ] But I presumed too much-- that, since she considers Noctis her brother, that we were family, too... I immediately apologized for it, realizing my error. [ She cringes at recounting the event. Really, what was she thinking?
It hurts to think about, but it probably had hurt Era even more. She shouldn't have gone to the wedding, when she caused such pain, when Era didn't trust her, when she thought her a child, disingenuous and poorly playing a role. ]
He groaned and put his head in his hands for a moment. Could he shake her? Was that allowed? Was there a pillow he could bop her on the head with?
In a way, it broke his heart.]
Pyra..
[Oh, he had his fork! He bopped her very lightly on the top of her head with his the flat side of his fork.]
I don't know where your father was when he should've been teaching you stuff, but clearly you need a dad. So for the next.. twenty minutes. I'm your dad, okay?
[He spoke firmly but kindly, like how he used to to Morgan.]
Young lady, don't you ever let someone disrespect you and treat you like this ever again. Do you understand me? Don't you dare apologize for being nice to someone just because they're batshit crazy. Their stupidity is not your fault or your responsibility.
[ She looks at him, blinking and perplexed as he raps the side of his fork atop of her head, lips parted in a silent question. That same look morphs into a surprised silence by the time he finishes speaking. ] I...
[ --No. No, she doesn't have a lot to say at that. What he's given her just is a flat out rejection of her self-blame, as if he sees through her words. He speaks to her directly, offering his opinion flatly and firmly-- fatherly?-- that the foundation he establishes is a hard wall, one that he's made to show he won't accept such a bad habit of hers, period.
Even if she does feel bad for Era, and self-blame is hard to combat, still, this does... help. And she's stunned. ]
I am certain. You're a good person, Pyra. You have a big, beautiful heart. You're quiet and you have a lot going on under the surface. My wife used to tell me that you have to close your mouth to hear other people. As.. you know, you can probably tell I have the gift of gab, so she.. told me that one and ones like it a lot.
[He chuckled a little at that self-deprecating remark.]
Anyway, you don't just look like my adopted daughter, but you act like her too. She had this quiet strength that I see in you. But.. sweetie, she could be a doormat and so can you. You gotta cut that out. You've got more power in you than that.
Tell me more about what's happened between you two so I can maybe help you see it more clearly. I have a bad feeling you have a few things mixed up, kind of like that wedding story.
[ Long has she gone about her existence without defending herself to others, yet Tony's words resonate with what Noctis had encouraged of her before, that she might speak up when she wishes or stand up for herself. A doormat, Noctis had said, too, one who is walked over repeatedly.
And then there is the more recent matter with Noctis being hurt over something-- and Noctis being hurt is something she does want to defend, is something that she doesn't wish to be 'walked over', because someone she loves is in pain.
She appears troubled-- more than she had before-- and casts her gaze wayward. A few moments is all it takes to collect herself, and she returns her sight to him. ]
I'm not sure where it started. [ And in retrospect, it probably started a long, long time ago, far back than when Pyra herself had ever been made aware. ] She thinks of me as a child and as... someone who is only playing a role. [ That last part makes her eyes dart away again, as if it's touched on a great insecurity, the words still stinging in her ears. ] But it--- I wish I had known this all sooner, to... keep her from the trouble I bring her. [ Keep her from the pain it apparently brings her for Pyra to simply exist around her. ]
[It didn't make sense to him, this desire some people had to 'not rock the boat'. Who wanted to go through life without being heard or noticed? What fun was that? How did they feel alive or worth anything without the world looking their way? At least, that was how he'd felt for a long time. He put less importance on stuff like that now, but he still struggled to put himself in those particular shoes.
It didn't matter though. He could see pain and he understood suffering. Heartbreak, fear, guilt, and feeling inadequate were universal. He wanted to hold her like he used to hold his daughter, but he also heard her when she said she'd been compared to a child.]
She's jealous, Pyra. People hate and will lash out at those they envy the most. Whatever struggles that have happened in your life have made you cautious but you're sweet, easy to be friends with, and you have a sunny, positive view of the world. You are hope. Whatever struggles that have happened in her life have made her bitter and angry and a chore to deal with.
Maybe she wanted to be the brilliant, scientific, mysterious and charming girl in town? Maybe she wanted to be the only adopted daughter in Reggie's eyes? Maybe she wanted Noctis for herself? Maybe she didn't want the guy with three eyes and the one who used to be a ghost for a hundred years? I can't imagine either one of those guys knowing what they're doing in bed and that'd make anyone bitchy as hell. All I know, is this has nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with who she is.
[He took a breath and tried to reign in his own frustration with Era to refocus on Pyra. It was difficult with his conversation with Era being so fresh in his mind.]
My point is, if you're playing a role then you're just not playing the role she wants you to and she can go fuck herself. You do you, sweet girl, and that's all you need to be. If anyone questions you again, you tell them this- I'm Pyra, bitch. And then let them eat your dust.
[ For a few moments after he finishes speaking, she stands in shocked silence as his words settle. While she may not agree or condone all of what he's saying... It's the fact that he's supporting her-- that someone is supporting her at all, and in such a candid, unapologetic fashion, that has her stunned. She blinks a few times, finding herself unable to come up with something to say in return.
She's been feeling as if she's been the one at fault for... everything, for far too long. And while she doesn't feel as if she can't speak with Noctis about it, there just hasn't been a good time to bring up anything with him for the past two-- no, three months and counting, when his relationship with Era remains close and him so sorely effected by it (among other things that have happened to him in this time). Because of this, she's been isolated with her own feelings and thoughts.
It seems she didn't really know herself just how affected she had been by this, herself... And it seems she didn't know how moved she would be, if only she could have someone's support.
When she speaks, it's only his name stated in a tremulous tone, her gaze lowered, her breath shaky. ]
[Being a dad was hard enough but trying to be a dad to someone you've known for about three weeks was way harder. He tried his best to read Pyra's thoughts but he just couldn't get the ESP to work.
Had he said too much? Was she about to burst into tears? Would he be able to repair this damage? He waited as the silence stretched on for eight or nine years in the length of a couple heartbeats.
Even when she broke the silence, he just.. he couldn't figure out which way she was needing him to go. Did he apologize? Joke it off? Or.. unsure what else to do, he took a gamble. He opened his arms to see if she wanted a hug(???).]
[ --As soon as his arms open to her, a welcoming sign, she takes one step forward, another... and then takes it.
Pyra's arm wrap around his back, and she presses her head to his shoulder. While she isn't crying, her shoulders tremble with what could have been more, if only she would let herself. But she's steady-- steadier, than she was moments ago-- and his presence helps. This? This is better than merely holding hands, as they had been doing. ]
Thank you. [ ---...Not for what he's said about Era, because she disagrees on many points. And so she clarifies: ]
...For listening to me.
[ He had said he would be a dad to her in the next twenty minutes. Is this how he acts as s father, to give such support? It's overwhelming in far too many ways to describe, and-- ah. Validating, too. She feels validated and valued, and not brushed aside like some child or something useless. ]
[Tony held her when she let him, though he still was left in the dark about far too much. What just happened here? He had no idea what parts she agreed with or disagreed with or if she understood what he'd meant- well, he could tell she got enough to cause this reaction.
Even as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her brow, he battled with himself over what to do next. Except, there was at least one part he knew exactly how to respond to.]
Always, sweetheart. Always. We're family. I lied before. It's not for just twenty minutes, but whenever and however you might need me, if I'm at all able, I'll be here for you, Pyra.
[Reggie could suck it. A girl needed a dad and a father-in-law and the king only got to be one of those. When there was a wedding, they could mud wrestle over the specifics.]
[ She allows herself this hug to last a breath or two more, afterwards pulling away just enough to hold his hand again.
And hold his hand, she does, tightly. ]
I...
Ultimately, I don't want to see him so hurt anymore. I don't know what to do. He-- doesn't want to lose family, but if his family hurts him like this...
It doesn't seem right, to me. [ Knowing Noctis, she knows that he might continue to be hurt, because this is just how he is. ]
[Tony waits and watches as Pyra steps back. As hard as it was for him to keep his mouth shut, he was glad he did.
He frowns, feeling awful on her behalf- and Noctis'. It really wasn't right.
The question of whether he should intervene was right on his tongue before he stopped himself. No, this was about empowering her.]
So what are you going to do about it? If it doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. Listen to yourself! Trust yourself! If you know someone you love is hurting and they can't stop it, they need help. Noctis needs your help.
[ Listen to herself, trust herself on this? But Noctis, Noctis--
Her head snaps up, and she looks at him partly bewildered, partly distressed.
"Noctis needs your help."
She wants to help him, she wants to defend him, she wants to lift him back up and undo the damage done, and she wants him encourage him in a way that he can protect himself from being hurt. But the situation is complicated and messy, and Pyra blames herself for being at--- well, if not the center of it, then somehow the unsuspecting instigator of it. ] I--... love him, Tony. [ She confesses, voice tremulous. ] I love him, I want him to be safe and not hurt by whomever he chooses.
[ But it has to be his choice. She can't make him choose, and she cannot choose for him, but she can see when he is being hurt, so she's left--... helpless, or close enough to feeling like helpless as she watches him suffer. Hugging him, holding him, encouraging him, she can do all of that, but in the moment-- in those moments where she's watching him in pain-- her heart aches. She wishes she were better at caring for him.
[He puts his other hand over the one already being held, engulfing her much smaller hand in his. He looks her in the eye and says as gently but as clearly as he can.]
Are you the one hurting him by making him do anything? Think, Pyra. Try to look at this as objectively as possible. Who is supporting him? Who is caring about what he wants and what his feelings are? Who is the one hurting him?
[ She's able to meet his gaze for all of a few moments, and then her eyes slide shut, tightly, as her fingers curl in his. His words cause another tremor to pass through her shoulders, and both his questions and the series of answers that pop into her head from them provide the clarity she needs.
It's nearly impossible to have her defend herself, but when it comes to others, especially one she loves, it's a different story.
Pyra steadies herself, drawing in a slow breath, then releasing it. ] It... was wrong. What she did was wrong.
[Tony nodded and gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. He knew this was hard for her. She took so much of this guilt and blame that had been handed to her. It wasn't right. It used to torture him on the train that Morgan might one day end up like Madoka and be some doormat. Now he had found yet another girl with the same issue.
In some ways it was what Era was dealing with too. It was frustrating that they couldn't see things more clearly. They missed the parts that were their responsibilities and clung to the parts that were out of their control. He wondered if it was a girl thing.]
Yes. Listen to your heart, Pyra. You'll know what to do and when to do it.
[ She pulls away from the embrace just enough to take his hand again, keeping it centered between them. For a few moments all she does it gaze down at their shared hold, and then she brings her other hand up over his, gently placing her palm down upon his knuckles.
"Listen to your heart", he says. "You'll know."
She knows she can be influenced, she knows she takes others words to heart, but sometimes-- she also knows that others' words can turn her thoughts into doubts, misconstruing what she herself believes. Such instances are poisonous. She needs to hold firm, as least in this one belief that she wishes better for Noctis, and if she wants better for him, she herself needs to be stronger, too, to stand on her own. And-- possibly-- even defend herself, if needed.
Who knew just a little support could serve as such a wonderful reminder. (Now if only she'll remember this in the moment...)It doesn't matter if she doesn't actually have a heart, the feeling behind it is the same, and the inspiration beats quietly like a drum within, soft and sound, tentative but with the potential to build. ]
[Tony watched her face and slowly smiled. It warmed his heart to feel that someone had heard him and might be able to benefit from his advice. When she finally spoke again, his smile broadens.
He reached out and tucked a little wisp of red hair behind her ear and leaned forward to press a quick kiss to her forehead.]
You're welcome, sweetie.
[He glanced down at their empty plates and toward a window to judge the time.]
I should go and let think. Is there anything else I can help with though?
[ The kiss takes her by surprise, but she doesn't say anything else to it, instead only looking up at him with a smile. ]
No... No. I think that-- [ She inhales, once more steadying. ] I'll be fine. Thank you. [ She says again, a bit helplessly at this time, and... just minutely, an hint of tiredness appears within her gaze as if part of her mask finally has loosened in his presence.
There is little else in ways she can show gratefulness to him in this moment, other than another-- ] Thank you.
[ --and a squeeze of his hand in hers, as if he's given her something important, and there is a promise to him that she wishes to repay it, eventually.
[He hadn't seen that tired look before but he'd guessed it would be there. He certainly felt it. Honestly, this whole issue with Era was wearing him down.
Getting up, he gave her one more hug and made her promise if she should ever need anything at all, night or day, to know he was a phone call away.]
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no subject
Era.... is someone who has so much on her shoulders. [ And this is what she begins with, sympathetic. Ever since she's first met her, she's learned that she is strong. That she fights for her world, and that-- for who she loves, she loves them fiercely. Emet-Selch, Ardbert, her amaro child, her familiars... and she's radiant in the presence of who she loves. ] She wants to protect others. I learned this throughout the year.
At the wedding, even if she didn't trust me, she allowed me to attend. Her heart-- it's so big, like that. [ She pauses briefly, struggling. ] But I presumed too much-- that, since she considers Noctis her brother, that we were family, too... I immediately apologized for it, realizing my error. [ She cringes at recounting the event. Really, what was she thinking?
It hurts to think about, but it probably had hurt Era even more. She shouldn't have gone to the wedding, when she caused such pain, when Era didn't trust her, when she thought her a child, disingenuous and poorly playing a role. ]
I... really hurt her that day.
no subject
He groaned and put his head in his hands for a moment. Could he shake her? Was that allowed? Was there a pillow he could bop her on the head with?
In a way, it broke his heart.]
Pyra..
[Oh, he had his fork! He bopped her very lightly on the top of her head with his the flat side of his fork.]
I don't know where your father was when he should've been teaching you stuff, but clearly you need a dad. So for the next.. twenty minutes. I'm your dad, okay?
[He spoke firmly but kindly, like how he used to to Morgan.]
Young lady, don't you ever let someone disrespect you and treat you like this ever again. Do you understand me? Don't you dare apologize for being nice to someone just because they're batshit crazy. Their stupidity is not your fault or your responsibility.
no subject
[ --No. No, she doesn't have a lot to say at that. What he's given her just is a flat out rejection of her self-blame, as if he sees through her words. He speaks to her directly, offering his opinion flatly and firmly-- fatherly?-- that the foundation he establishes is a hard wall, one that he's made to show he won't accept such a bad habit of hers, period.
Even if she does feel bad for Era, and self-blame is hard to combat, still, this does... help. And she's stunned. ]
You say that... so certainly.
no subject
[He chuckled a little at that self-deprecating remark.]
Anyway, you don't just look like my adopted daughter, but you act like her too. She had this quiet strength that I see in you. But.. sweetie, she could be a doormat and so can you. You gotta cut that out. You've got more power in you than that.
Tell me more about what's happened between you two so I can maybe help you see it more clearly. I have a bad feeling you have a few things mixed up, kind of like that wedding story.
no subject
And then there is the more recent matter with Noctis being hurt over something-- and Noctis being hurt is something she does want to defend, is something that she doesn't wish to be 'walked over', because someone she loves is in pain.
She appears troubled-- more than she had before-- and casts her gaze wayward. A few moments is all it takes to collect herself, and she returns her sight to him. ]
I'm not sure where it started. [ And in retrospect, it probably started a long, long time ago, far back than when Pyra herself had ever been made aware. ] She thinks of me as a child and as... someone who is only playing a role. [ That last part makes her eyes dart away again, as if it's touched on a great insecurity, the words still stinging in her ears. ] But it--- I wish I had known this all sooner, to... keep her from the trouble I bring her. [ Keep her from the pain it apparently brings her for Pyra to simply exist around her. ]
no subject
It didn't matter though. He could see pain and he understood suffering. Heartbreak, fear, guilt, and feeling inadequate were universal. He wanted to hold her like he used to hold his daughter, but he also heard her when she said she'd been compared to a child.]
She's jealous, Pyra. People hate and will lash out at those they envy the most. Whatever struggles that have happened in your life have made you cautious but you're sweet, easy to be friends with, and you have a sunny, positive view of the world. You are hope. Whatever struggles that have happened in her life have made her bitter and angry and a chore to deal with.
Maybe she wanted to be the brilliant, scientific, mysterious and charming girl in town? Maybe she wanted to be the only adopted daughter in Reggie's eyes? Maybe she wanted Noctis for herself? Maybe she didn't want the guy with three eyes and the one who used to be a ghost for a hundred years? I can't imagine either one of those guys knowing what they're doing in bed and that'd make anyone bitchy as hell. All I know, is this has nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with who she is.
[He took a breath and tried to reign in his own frustration with Era to refocus on Pyra. It was difficult with his conversation with Era being so fresh in his mind.]
My point is, if you're playing a role then you're just not playing the role she wants you to and she can go fuck herself. You do you, sweet girl, and that's all you need to be. If anyone questions you again, you tell them this- I'm Pyra, bitch. And then let them eat your dust.
no subject
She's been feeling as if she's been the one at fault for... everything, for far too long. And while she doesn't feel as if she can't speak with Noctis about it, there just hasn't been a good time to bring up anything with him for the past two-- no, three months and counting, when his relationship with Era remains close and him so sorely effected by it (among other things that have happened to him in this time). Because of this, she's been isolated with her own feelings and thoughts.
It seems she didn't really know herself just how affected she had been by this, herself... And it seems she didn't know how moved she would be, if only she could have someone's support.
When she speaks, it's only his name stated in a tremulous tone, her gaze lowered, her breath shaky. ]
T-Tony...
no subject
Had he said too much? Was she about to burst into tears? Would he be able to repair this damage? He waited as the silence stretched on for eight or nine years in the length of a couple heartbeats.
Even when she broke the silence, he just.. he couldn't figure out which way she was needing him to go. Did he apologize? Joke it off? Or.. unsure what else to do, he took a gamble. He opened his arms to see if she wanted a hug(???).]
no subject
Pyra's arm wrap around his back, and she presses her head to his shoulder. While she isn't crying, her shoulders tremble with what could have been more, if only she would let herself. But she's steady-- steadier, than she was moments ago-- and his presence helps. This? This is better than merely holding hands, as they had been doing. ]
Thank you. [ ---...Not for what he's said about Era, because she disagrees on many points. And so she clarifies: ]
...For listening to me.
[ He had said he would be a dad to her in the next twenty minutes. Is this how he acts as s father, to give such support? It's overwhelming in far too many ways to describe, and-- ah. Validating, too. She feels validated and valued, and not brushed aside like some child or something useless. ]
no subject
Even as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her brow, he battled with himself over what to do next. Except, there was at least one part he knew exactly how to respond to.]
Always, sweetheart. Always. We're family. I lied before. It's not for just twenty minutes, but whenever and however you might need me, if I'm at all able, I'll be here for you, Pyra.
[Reggie could suck it. A girl needed a dad and a father-in-law and the king only got to be one of those. When there was a wedding, they could mud wrestle over the specifics.]
no subject
And hold his hand, she does, tightly. ]
I...
Ultimately, I don't want to see him so hurt anymore. I don't know what to do. He-- doesn't want to lose family, but if his family hurts him like this...
It doesn't seem right, to me. [ Knowing Noctis, she knows that he might continue to be hurt, because this is just how he is. ]
no subject
He frowns, feeling awful on her behalf- and Noctis'. It really wasn't right.
The question of whether he should intervene was right on his tongue before he stopped himself. No, this was about empowering her.]
So what are you going to do about it? If it doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. Listen to yourself! Trust yourself! If you know someone you love is hurting and they can't stop it, they need help. Noctis needs your help.
no subject
Her head snaps up, and she looks at him partly bewildered, partly distressed.
"Noctis needs your help."
She wants to help him, she wants to defend him, she wants to lift him back up and undo the damage done, and she wants him encourage him in a way that he can protect himself from being hurt. But the situation is complicated and messy, and Pyra blames herself for being at--- well, if not the center of it, then somehow the unsuspecting instigator of it. ] I--... love him, Tony. [ She confesses, voice tremulous. ] I love him, I want him to be safe and not hurt by whomever he chooses.
[ But it has to be his choice. She can't make him choose, and she cannot choose for him, but she can see when he is being hurt, so she's left--... helpless, or close enough to feeling like helpless as she watches him suffer. Hugging him, holding him, encouraging him, she can do all of that, but in the moment-- in those moments where she's watching him in pain-- her heart aches. She wishes she were better at caring for him.
What is she to do? ]
no subject
[He puts his other hand over the one already being held, engulfing her much smaller hand in his. He looks her in the eye and says as gently but as clearly as he can.]
Are you the one hurting him by making him do anything? Think, Pyra. Try to look at this as objectively as possible. Who is supporting him? Who is caring about what he wants and what his feelings are? Who is the one hurting him?
no subject
It's nearly impossible to have her defend herself, but when it comes to others, especially one she loves, it's a different story.
Pyra steadies herself, drawing in a slow breath, then releasing it. ] It... was wrong. What she did was wrong.
[ She shouldn't let that be twisted. ]
no subject
In some ways it was what Era was dealing with too. It was frustrating that they couldn't see things more clearly. They missed the parts that were their responsibilities and clung to the parts that were out of their control. He wondered if it was a girl thing.]
Yes. Listen to your heart, Pyra. You'll know what to do and when to do it.
no subject
"Listen to your heart", he says. "You'll know."
She knows she can be influenced, she knows she takes others words to heart, but sometimes-- she also knows that others' words can turn her thoughts into doubts, misconstruing what she herself believes. Such instances are poisonous. She needs to hold firm, as least in this one belief that she wishes better for Noctis, and if she wants better for him, she herself needs to be stronger, too, to stand on her own. And-- possibly-- even defend herself, if needed.
Who knew just a little support could serve as such a wonderful reminder. (Now if only she'll remember this in the moment...)It doesn't matter if she doesn't actually have a heart, the feeling behind it is the same, and the inspiration beats quietly like a drum within, soft and sound, tentative but with the potential to build. ]
...Thank you, Tony. I needed to hear that.
no subject
He reached out and tucked a little wisp of red hair behind her ear and leaned forward to press a quick kiss to her forehead.]
You're welcome, sweetie.
[He glanced down at their empty plates and toward a window to judge the time.]
I should go and let think. Is there anything else I can help with though?
no subject
No... No. I think that-- [ She inhales, once more steadying. ] I'll be fine. Thank you. [ She says again, a bit helplessly at this time, and... just minutely, an hint of tiredness appears within her gaze as if part of her mask finally has loosened in his presence.
There is little else in ways she can show gratefulness to him in this moment, other than another-- ] Thank you.
[ --and a squeeze of his hand in hers, as if he's given her something important, and there is a promise to him that she wishes to repay it, eventually.
With that, they can part ways. ]
Wrap!
Getting up, he gave her one more hug and made her promise if she should ever need anything at all, night or day, to know he was a phone call away.]