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Pyra/Mythra/Pneuma ([personal profile] iustaegis) wrote2021-02-10 06:30 pm
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[ Pyra ♢ Mythra ♢ Pneuma

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carbungle: <user name=fontech> (405)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-13 02:03 am (UTC)(link)
[He focuses on her as long as he can manage, but by the end of it, his gaze shifts away.]

It was never about me not trusting you, Pyra. If I thought I couldn't trust you, I wouldn't have told you anything. I would've just left the house and come back when it was done, and that didn't feel right to me. Why is "I'll tell you later" not okay?

[This feels an awful lot like a "no secrets" rule that he didn't know existed before now, and he's sure that isn't exactly what she means, but the implication that he didn't trust her when he was trying to without breaking his word also hurts.]
carbungle: <user name=fontech> (277)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-13 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
[He's quiet for another long moment, mulling those words over, until at last he withdraws and stands up, beginning to pace back and forth in the grass. He can't sit still anymore.]

I don't know what the answer is, here. I can't say you're wrong to feel that way. But I don't think I was wrong with the compromise. It isn't wrong to keep my promises to other people, or to help a friend out. I won't budge on that. Maybe the execution sucked, I- [He pauses mid-step, glancing sidelong at her at a distance.] Was it because I was nervous? I wanted to play it off, but...

[He couldn't. He tried that already.]
carbungle: <user name=fontech> (176)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-13 03:41 am (UTC)(link)
I was... [He trails off, turning away to resume pacing, scuffing a hand through his hair.] Not sad. I wasn't nervous about the fight, either. I told Gladio about it before... tried to be casual, because it wasn't supposed to be a big deal, and I thought he'd wanna be around just in case. We had it all sorted, but it never hurts to have back-up, right? But he didn't take it great.

[His hands shift again, resting on his hips as he kicks at a bundle of loose dirt.]

I was worried about worrying you, which just ended up self-fulfilling, and now it makes me not wanna tell anyone anything, but that's not the answer, either.

[He doesn't know what the answer is.]
carbungle: <user name=fontech> (341)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-13 12:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[Something about the phrasing of her answer bothers him, and he hesitates. All that matters, she'll manage…]

...It feels like this made you expect less of me, now, and you're just putting up with it. Am I reading that wrong, or is there really no compromise we can come up with that would help you feel comfortable? Not about worrying- if you're gonna worry, you're gonna worry. No amount of telling you otherwise can stop that. But I don't want to leave this with you thinking it's about a lack of trust.

[It might have been about Era not trusting her, hell it might have been about Era not trusting him. Respecting someone else's wishes shouldn't be a thing that brings trust into question, in his mind, between two separate parties. The idea of her being resigned to his distrust hurts a lot, so he really hopes this is off base.]
carbungle: <user name=fontech> (364)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-13 11:19 pm (UTC)(link)
[He studies her for a long moment, trying to examine if it's enough, if it's a concession, if the resignation persists- but it feels like a genuine plea, and it's one that he can accommodate while still having room for his own accepted limits, be they imposed by others or his own loyalty. Satisfied, or at least mollified on this point, he nods.]

If I thought it was something I couldn't handle, or might put you or other people or the city in danger- of course. I wouldn't be okay with being asked to lie to you about it. This was a really... weird, niche thing. I don't want to make this a habit.

[She'd made it sound like this should have been an exception to the norm. But it already is an exception to the norm- in that he couldn't be as upfront with her as he normally would be, and thought his reasons for doing so were fair. He certainly doesn't want either of them to feel like this every time something's happening that he has to be involved in.]

I can't promise you nothing like this will happen again, either. Some secrets are normal, and that shouldn't be an unreasonable or harmful thing. But if the situation was different, then yeah, I'd handle it differently.

[Hell, even this time something obviously veered off course, but maybe he can reexamine that later when he's not so close to the issue.]
carbungle: <user name=fontech> (18)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-14 12:25 am (UTC)(link)
[He tries to think on that, but in the end can only shake his head, accepting her offered hand.]

I don't know. I think we both ran in circles and crashed into different walls, here.

[It's more typical for one or both of them to blame themselves only, so maybe this is a step up, who knows. He just doesn't feel right about letting her take all the blame, nor accepting it all onto his own shoulders. A lot of would have, could have, should have. The mood may be soured, but it was made that way through a mess of a discussion that they shared.]

I'm sorry for my part in this, too.
Edited 2021-07-14 00:27 (UTC)
carbungle: hobbitholmes @ dw (228)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-14 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
[He doesn't really feel like cake, or a reward, but he follows her willingly inside, breathing in deep to try and let some of the tension ease from his body language. It doesn't have to be totally okay, but for the moment, they can at least smile and share a dinner. They'll sort the rest out over time, he hopes.]

Nah... I'm still kind of wired, I don't need more sugar. It smells good in here, though.
carbungle: livebites @ dw (whenever you're in trouble)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-14 01:54 am (UTC)(link)
[He sets up the table for them and fetches drinks while she serves, then accepts the plate to settle in with her. The subject choice takes him aback for a moment, but he rolls with it, grateful for the distraction. They could use something easier, at this point. And she... at least seems to be smiling? He hopes she's smiling for the right reasons.]

I've seen it done for hours, but not days. Is that a special kind?
carbungle: <user name=fontech> (402)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-14 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
Huh... I know doing that with meat can make it really slide off the bone, but I don't usually have the patience to wait that long.

[If he's smelling meat in the house, he wants to eat it... though who knows what kind of expensive, slow-cooked foods he's gotten to eat in his privileged lifespan.]

Maybe we should try it sometime.
carbungle: nxctcaelum @ tumblr (221)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-14 09:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[His expression turns thoughtful at that, pushing his curry around on his plate for a moment.]

You're not wrong. I wonder sometimes if I'm taking that for granted, since I've been here so long now.

[Even with the month-or-so pause where he'd gone home to a series of nightmares, he was approaching two years now. It's a little daunting to look at it from more of a distance.]
carbungle: <user name=fontech> (376)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-15 02:41 am (UTC)(link)
Mmm... true. [She's usually right about these sorts of things. His fingers curl against hers, squeezing lightly, his thumb rubbing over the back of her hand, subtly affectionate.] Got any suggestions?

[Something new could mean a lot of things, and it could very well be something he needs to find for himself, but her input matters, too. He can't let himself forget that.]
carbungle: <user name=fontech> (375)

[personal profile] carbungle 2021-07-15 12:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, man. Talk about inviting chaos into the city. [Despite his words, his tone belies obvious delight at the idea of getting to fly more, hopefully without crashing through anyone's roof.

He isn't thinking about this as a way of thriving without her - the thought would never occur to him, at this point, as thriving is not a thing he'd be doing by any means - so he tilts his head curiously at her wording.]


You'd still come up with me sometimes though, right? If I could fly it myself.

[The flying part is exciting. The "on your own", not so much. He's not sure if most of his friends would be so eager with him behind the wheel either...]

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