[ Her lips part, then close, and after a moment, she finds her voice. ]
From the way you first described what you were fighting, the precautions made it seem as if it was more dangerous, and... I felt as if it, in this instance, was significant enough to tell me more, even with the secrecy. [ However, he doesn't feel that way, even if the stakes would be higher. She can think of very little stakes that would be higher than playing distraction to the entity warping Emet's soul. That's just something she'll have to adapt to in the future, if something like this happens again. ]
But I didn't ask more questions, and trusted you, that you would come back. And you did, and you're healthy. Still, it... [ One her hand hands slides from his, and it raises to rest over her chest. She doesn't like this. She feels so vulnerable right now. ] hurt. [ Pyra appears to struggle with coming up with qualifying how she feels. ] I felt as if I wasn't trusted, either.
[He focuses on her as long as he can manage, but by the end of it, his gaze shifts away.]
It was never about me not trusting you, Pyra. If I thought I couldn't trust you, I wouldn't have told you anything. I would've just left the house and come back when it was done, and that didn't feel right to me. Why is "I'll tell you later" not okay?
[This feels an awful lot like a "no secrets" rule that he didn't know existed before now, and he's sure that isn't exactly what she means, but the implication that he didn't trust her when he was trying to without breaking his word also hurts.]
[ She watches as his eyes shift away, and she can't help but feel as if she's let him down, somehow. It immediately prompts this: ] And hearing you now, I appreciate that... --That you told me, beforehand. What you felt you could, anyways. [ For what little it was, under a promise to keep secret. But that doesn't answer his other question, Why is 'I'll tell you later' not okay?
It is okay, generally speaking. Yet, his question does make her think. Why had this been the exception? ] For this, all the precautions with the vagueness you gave actually had me worried. Not that there wouldn't be a later-- if I had truly believed that, I would have done a lot more to insist that I help, somehow.
But, somehow, I think not knowing is worse than knowing what you were fully up against. [ Her fingers curl over her crystal. ] I'm not sure if that makes sense to you, but... that's how I felt, being in the dark.
[He's quiet for another long moment, mulling those words over, until at last he withdraws and stands up, beginning to pace back and forth in the grass. He can't sit still anymore.]
I don't know what the answer is, here. I can't say you're wrong to feel that way. But I don't think I was wrong with the compromise. It isn't wrong to keep my promises to other people, or to help a friend out. I won't budge on that. Maybe the execution sucked, I- [He pauses mid-step, glancing sidelong at her at a distance.] Was it because I was nervous? I wanted to play it off, but...
[ As he stands to pace, their hands slip apart. She folds hers together in her lap.
When he glances back at her, she appears just as lost. There doesn't seem to be an easy compromise to this, either. She wants to say that her point isn't about not keeping promises or helping friends, and she doesn't like if that's being misrepresented. Surely he knows that she's all about helping friendship, but her frown disappears when he glances back at her. ]
Were you nervous? You seemed... sad. [ At the time, she had wondered if it was, in part, because he was truly burdened that he couldn't say more, which only had her suspect about this promise to keep things hush. But. Maybe that's not the case. ] I had thought it was because you couldn't say more...
I was... [He trails off, turning away to resume pacing, scuffing a hand through his hair.] Not sad. I wasn't nervous about the fight, either. I told Gladio about it before... tried to be casual, because it wasn't supposed to be a big deal, and I thought he'd wanna be around just in case. We had it all sorted, but it never hurts to have back-up, right? But he didn't take it great.
[His hands shift again, resting on his hips as he kicks at a bundle of loose dirt.]
I was worried about worrying you, which just ended up self-fulfilling, and now it makes me not wanna tell anyone anything, but that's not the answer, either.
[ She makes a soft, thoughtful noise as he explains. ] That's... definitely not the answer.
[ A pause. ]
...In a similar way, if-- you go out for another battle again, and I mean against something grand or god-tier again, not just any other battle, it wouldn't feel natural not to have some worry for you. But I still appreciate you telling me.
[ And she doesn't want him to not tell her. So if he's going to continue making promises to remain vague about potentially god-tier battles, then... there's really only one solution: she has to be okay with that, and accept it. She'd rather be aware of the barest of information than nothing at all.
Pyra stands, allowing her hands to fall to her side. ] And... and-- [ She repeats again, this time to herself, and she takes a few steps to him, but stops from crossing anymore of their yard. ] --I think, that's all that really matters, so...
[ She raises her head. ]
Just tell me what you want to, and what you're comfortable with. I'll manage.
[Something about the phrasing of her answer bothers him, and he hesitates. All that matters, she'll manage…]
...It feels like this made you expect less of me, now, and you're just putting up with it. Am I reading that wrong, or is there really no compromise we can come up with that would help you feel comfortable? Not about worrying- if you're gonna worry, you're gonna worry. No amount of telling you otherwise can stop that. But I don't want to leave this with you thinking it's about a lack of trust.
[It might have been about Era not trusting her, hell it might have been about Era not trusting him. Respecting someone else's wishes shouldn't be a thing that brings trust into question, in his mind, between two separate parties. The idea of her being resigned to his distrust hurts a lot, so he really hopes this is off base.]
[ Pyra looks at him wearily, holding onto one of her arms. She’d rather know anything he’s willing to tell her than nothing at all.
She thinks over their conversation so far, and how she believes this means that he stands by his answers, unchanging. If this will happen again, and she will simply have to adapt.
…But here he’s asking if a compromise is possible, and she wonders if she misunderstood something, or assumed something of his answers to her questions incorrectly. ]
Whatever that compromise is…
I understand now that you don’t think this battle was threatening, but in the future… when there might be one you do think is significant, I hope you feel as if you can talk to me before dangerous fights. [ That’s she not left so in the dark. ] When you want to, that is.
[ And it should be clear that it is a privilege that he’s told her anything at all.
Pyra bites her lip, doubting herself after expressing that much. Was she not supportive enough? Did she actually ask too much? She knows, and has been assured by him, that she shouldn’t sacrifice what she’s feeling. But she had been upset still, and that hurt and expressing it had lead to… this. ]
[He studies her for a long moment, trying to examine if it's enough, if it's a concession, if the resignation persists- but it feels like a genuine plea, and it's one that he can accommodate while still having room for his own accepted limits, be they imposed by others or his own loyalty. Satisfied, or at least mollified on this point, he nods.]
If I thought it was something I couldn't handle, or might put you or other people or the city in danger- of course. I wouldn't be okay with being asked to lie to you about it. This was a really... weird, niche thing. I don't want to make this a habit.
[She'd made it sound like this should have been an exception to the norm. But it already is an exception to the norm- in that he couldn't be as upfront with her as he normally would be, and thought his reasons for doing so were fair. He certainly doesn't want either of them to feel like this every time something's happening that he has to be involved in.]
I can't promise you nothing like this will happen again, either. Some secrets are normal, and that shouldn't be an unreasonable or harmful thing. But if the situation was different, then yeah, I'd handle it differently.
[Hell, even this time something obviously veered off course, but maybe he can reexamine that later when he's not so close to the issue.]
[ Does she want to ask, would he ever actually believe there was something he couldn't handle, or something actually threatening to him? That's not something for today, she thinks, so she brushes the question aside. At the very least, she can take comfort from the words that he doesn't want to make this a habit. She hopes it won't become one... even if he cannot promise her it won't happen again. This, she'll simply have to respect.
And she really, really, doesn't want to hear about everyone's secrets, which she knows are reasonable, but only would like more information in extraneous contexts like these. What she would like and what he'll give, though, are completely different things. This, too, is something she'll have to respect.
If things were different, she thinks, with this time, none of this upset would have happened. She could have celebrated with him when he returned. Congratulated, listened to what happened enthusiastically. And maybe in the future he will go off to some fight in which he can tell her what's happening beforehand, and it'll be better like that. She'll wait for that day. But this time feels soured now, and she's not sure how to correct it, even if she wants to try.
Pyra offers her hand to him. ] Okay. ....And, I'm sorry. I... [ She made things quite unpleasant expressing herself, and a thought occurs to her, that while he asked what he could have different, she didn't ask the same. She inhales. ] ...What should I have done differently? To have supported you or have made this conversation easier?
[He tries to think on that, but in the end can only shake his head, accepting her offered hand.]
I don't know. I think we both ran in circles and crashed into different walls, here.
[It's more typical for one or both of them to blame themselves only, so maybe this is a step up, who knows. He just doesn't feel right about letting her take all the blame, nor accepting it all onto his own shoulders. A lot of would have, could have, should have. The mood may be soured, but it was made that way through a mess of a discussion that they shared.]
[ Her fingers curl over his, and she gives his hand a small tug, to move back inside. ] It's okay. In the end... I'm glad you're safe, and you're here.
[ Because of the negativity, she's not entirely sure that sharing what she feels will be worth it, not when it brings this. But this is one of her first times doing so, and it's given her something to think about, and she's not about to stop trying after her first try. Maybe other times will be easier. The future can only tell.
But for the present... she wants to make amends.
She begins leading him back inside. ] I know we're simmering curry but... How about some cake, first? It's that what reward you should have, after a successful battle?
[He doesn't really feel like cake, or a reward, but he follows her willingly inside, breathing in deep to try and let some of the tension ease from his body language. It doesn't have to be totally okay, but for the moment, they can at least smile and share a dinner. They'll sort the rest out over time, he hopes.]
Nah... I'm still kind of wired, I don't need more sugar. It smells good in here, though.
[ She glances at him sidelong, seeing how he's trying to roll the tension from his shoulders. She's sorry for that. And... she still wants to ease the mood in general, too. Nothing like a good first step in the right direction with some food and mutual respect. ] The curry should be just about done.
[ Her hand slips from his, and she moves to lift the lid of the pot. All at once, steam and spice arises to waft about their kitchen, aromatic and homey. It would have been a better choice for a colder day, but... it's also comfort food, and it's probably appropriate for that reason alone. She serves him a plate of it with rice, but only puts the sprig of green cilantro for garnish on her own. He chose the potatoes as the vegetables, no need to add more to his plate! ] Did you know, some curries stew for days at a time?
[He sets up the table for them and fetches drinks while she serves, then accepts the plate to settle in with her. The subject choice takes him aback for a moment, but he rolls with it, grateful for the distraction. They could use something easier, at this point. And she... at least seems to be smiling? He hopes she's smiling for the right reasons.]
I've seen it done for hours, but not days. Is that a special kind?
In my world, yes-- for some recipes, if you want to be that extra about it.
[ She sets the table, and takes her seat. Steam rises off her her plate, and she raises her brows at him. ]
It allows the spices to absolutely blend into whatever you throw into the pot, whether it's potatoes, vegetables, juicy meats, or tofu. When you take a bite, it absolutely melts on your tongue. The extra-slow simmer is popular on the colder Titans.
I've, or... rather, Mythra-- she's only had it once, for a special occasion. [ As he can imagine, it wouldn't be for anyone who's traveling. ]
Huh... I know doing that with meat can make it really slide off the bone, but I don't usually have the patience to wait that long.
[If he's smelling meat in the house, he wants to eat it... though who knows what kind of expensive, slow-cooked foods he's gotten to eat in his privileged lifespan.]
Most wouldn’t, I think. [ Hence the special occasion part to it.
And now that she thinks of it… ] Having a slower cooked meal— even one that just takes the afternoon to prepare— is… It’s a benefit of this world. Of not always being in a rush to the next destination.
[ So, yes. Absolutely, they should try it some time. She would like to try it sometime with him, Ignis, and Prompto. ]
[His expression turns thoughtful at that, pushing his curry around on his plate for a moment.]
You're not wrong. I wonder sometimes if I'm taking that for granted, since I've been here so long now.
[Even with the month-or-so pause where he'd gone home to a series of nightmares, he was approaching two years now. It's a little daunting to look at it from more of a distance.]
[ Her lips purse in thought as she lowers her utensil to her plate, watching his expression.
Then, she reaches over to place her free hand over his, smiling. She does her best to be reassuring. ] If you're doing what you want... isn't it hard to say that you're taking things for granted?
[ It's he who said something to the effect of getting to choose with whom he spend his time or doing what he wants, in this world. Supporting that-- she has to support that more for him, she reminds herself. ]
...Although, it's never to late to try something new.
Mmm... true. [She's usually right about these sorts of things. His fingers curl against hers, squeezing lightly, his thumb rubbing over the back of her hand, subtly affectionate.] Got any suggestions?
[Something new could mean a lot of things, and it could very well be something he needs to find for himself, but her input matters, too. He can't let himself forget that.]
[ She looks down to their hands. Even just a subtle gesture of his thumb brushing over her skin, a sign of care, means a lot right now. A soft 'hm', thoughtful, escapes her. ]
You always ask the difficult follow-up questions, you know that?
[ She can't decide for him! ...And there's so much he's chosen to do with his time that he wouldn't be able to do in his own world. From painting, to VR game making and design, and, yes, to battling things he's never battled.
... ]
How about I teach you how to fly the Regalia? On your own.
[ Not that she hasn't tried to explain things here and there to him, but she should give him proper lessons on flight. That way-- he can do it on his own. He won't need her, if she's gone. And as much as that's a sad thought, she wants him to thrive. Him learning how to fly won't be that difficult for him, she's sure, but the Regalia is a vehicle in which he can take to discover more things for himself. ] So... you can find the 'something new' in a wider radius.
Oh, man. Talk about inviting chaos into the city. [Despite his words, his tone belies obvious delight at the idea of getting to fly more, hopefully without crashing through anyone's roof.
He isn't thinking about this as a way of thriving without her - the thought would never occur to him, at this point, as thriving is not a thing he'd be doing by any means - so he tilts his head curiously at her wording.]
You'd still come up with me sometimes though, right? If I could fly it myself.
[The flying part is exciting. The "on your own", not so much. He's not sure if most of his friends would be so eager with him behind the wheel either...]
[ So long as he wants her in the passenger seat, she’ll be there. ] I’m sure you’d be an excellent pilot, actually.
[ And she truly believes that. Surely, since he’s so good at warping and zipping around in the air anyways at high speeds, flying a car won’t be that difficult for him to master, right….? ]
It involves a lot of spatial awareness and quick thinking, which I know you’re great at.
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From the way you first described what you were fighting, the precautions made it seem as if it was more dangerous, and... I felt as if it, in this instance, was significant enough to tell me more, even with the secrecy. [ However, he doesn't feel that way, even if the stakes would be higher. She can think of very little stakes that would be higher than playing distraction to the entity warping Emet's soul. That's just something she'll have to adapt to in the future, if something like this happens again. ]
But I didn't ask more questions, and trusted you, that you would come back. And you did, and you're healthy. Still, it... [ One her hand hands slides from his, and it raises to rest over her chest. She doesn't like this. She feels so vulnerable right now. ] hurt. [ Pyra appears to struggle with coming up with qualifying how she feels. ] I felt as if I wasn't trusted, either.
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It was never about me not trusting you, Pyra. If I thought I couldn't trust you, I wouldn't have told you anything. I would've just left the house and come back when it was done, and that didn't feel right to me. Why is "I'll tell you later" not okay?
[This feels an awful lot like a "no secrets" rule that he didn't know existed before now, and he's sure that isn't exactly what she means, but the implication that he didn't trust her when he was trying to without breaking his word also hurts.]
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It is okay, generally speaking. Yet, his question does make her think. Why had this been the exception? ] For this, all the precautions with the vagueness you gave actually had me worried. Not that there wouldn't be a later-- if I had truly believed that, I would have done a lot more to insist that I help, somehow.
But, somehow, I think not knowing is worse than knowing what you were fully up against. [ Her fingers curl over her crystal. ] I'm not sure if that makes sense to you, but... that's how I felt, being in the dark.
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I don't know what the answer is, here. I can't say you're wrong to feel that way. But I don't think I was wrong with the compromise. It isn't wrong to keep my promises to other people, or to help a friend out. I won't budge on that. Maybe the execution sucked, I- [He pauses mid-step, glancing sidelong at her at a distance.] Was it because I was nervous? I wanted to play it off, but...
[He couldn't. He tried that already.]
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When he glances back at her, she appears just as lost. There doesn't seem to be an easy compromise to this, either. She wants to say that her point isn't about not keeping promises or helping friends, and she doesn't like if that's being misrepresented. Surely he knows that she's all about helping friendship, but her frown disappears when he glances back at her. ]
Were you nervous? You seemed... sad. [ At the time, she had wondered if it was, in part, because he was truly burdened that he couldn't say more, which only had her suspect about this promise to keep things hush. But. Maybe that's not the case. ] I had thought it was because you couldn't say more...
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[His hands shift again, resting on his hips as he kicks at a bundle of loose dirt.]
I was worried about worrying you, which just ended up self-fulfilling, and now it makes me not wanna tell anyone anything, but that's not the answer, either.
[He doesn't know what the answer is.]
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[ A pause. ]
...In a similar way, if-- you go out for another battle again, and I mean against something grand or god-tier again, not just any other battle, it wouldn't feel natural not to have some worry for you. But I still appreciate you telling me.
[ And she doesn't want him to not tell her. So if he's going to continue making promises to remain vague about potentially god-tier battles, then... there's really only one solution: she has to be okay with that, and accept it. She'd rather be aware of the barest of information than nothing at all.
Pyra stands, allowing her hands to fall to her side. ] And... and-- [ She repeats again, this time to herself, and she takes a few steps to him, but stops from crossing anymore of their yard. ] --I think, that's all that really matters, so...
[ She raises her head. ]
Just tell me what you want to, and what you're comfortable with. I'll manage.
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...It feels like this made you expect less of me, now, and you're just putting up with it. Am I reading that wrong, or is there really no compromise we can come up with that would help you feel comfortable? Not about worrying- if you're gonna worry, you're gonna worry. No amount of telling you otherwise can stop that. But I don't want to leave this with you thinking it's about a lack of trust.
[It might have been about Era not trusting her, hell it might have been about Era not trusting him. Respecting someone else's wishes shouldn't be a thing that brings trust into question, in his mind, between two separate parties. The idea of her being resigned to his distrust hurts a lot, so he really hopes this is off base.]
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She thinks over their conversation so far, and how she believes this means that he stands by his answers, unchanging. If this will happen again, and she will simply have to adapt.
…But here he’s asking if a compromise is possible, and she wonders if she misunderstood something, or assumed something of his answers to her questions incorrectly. ]
Whatever that compromise is…
I understand now that you don’t think this battle was threatening, but in the future… when there might be one you do think is significant, I hope you feel as if you can talk to me before dangerous fights. [ That’s she not left so in the dark. ] When you want to, that is.
[ And it should be clear that it is a privilege that he’s told her anything at all.
Pyra bites her lip, doubting herself after expressing that much. Was she not supportive enough? Did she actually ask too much? She knows, and has been assured by him, that she shouldn’t sacrifice what she’s feeling. But she had been upset still, and that hurt and expressing it had lead to… this. ]
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If I thought it was something I couldn't handle, or might put you or other people or the city in danger- of course. I wouldn't be okay with being asked to lie to you about it. This was a really... weird, niche thing. I don't want to make this a habit.
[She'd made it sound like this should have been an exception to the norm. But it already is an exception to the norm- in that he couldn't be as upfront with her as he normally would be, and thought his reasons for doing so were fair. He certainly doesn't want either of them to feel like this every time something's happening that he has to be involved in.]
I can't promise you nothing like this will happen again, either. Some secrets are normal, and that shouldn't be an unreasonable or harmful thing. But if the situation was different, then yeah, I'd handle it differently.
[Hell, even this time something obviously veered off course, but maybe he can reexamine that later when he's not so close to the issue.]
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And she really, really, doesn't want to hear about everyone's secrets, which she knows are reasonable, but only would like more information in extraneous contexts like these. What she would like and what he'll give, though, are completely different things. This, too, is something she'll have to respect.
If things were different, she thinks, with this time, none of this upset would have happened. She could have celebrated with him when he returned. Congratulated, listened to what happened enthusiastically. And maybe in the future he will go off to some fight in which he can tell her what's happening beforehand, and it'll be better like that. She'll wait for that day. But this time feels soured now, and she's not sure how to correct it, even if she wants to try.
Pyra offers her hand to him. ] Okay. ....And, I'm sorry. I... [ She made things quite unpleasant expressing herself, and a thought occurs to her, that while he asked what he could have different, she didn't ask the same. She inhales. ] ...What should I have done differently? To have supported you or have made this conversation easier?
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I don't know. I think we both ran in circles and crashed into different walls, here.
[It's more typical for one or both of them to blame themselves only, so maybe this is a step up, who knows. He just doesn't feel right about letting her take all the blame, nor accepting it all onto his own shoulders. A lot of would have, could have, should have. The mood may be soured, but it was made that way through a mess of a discussion that they shared.]
I'm sorry for my part in this, too.
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[ Because of the negativity, she's not entirely sure that sharing what she feels will be worth it, not when it brings this. But this is one of her first times doing so, and it's given her something to think about, and she's not about to stop trying after her first try. Maybe other times will be easier. The future can only tell.
But for the present... she wants to make amends.
She begins leading him back inside. ] I know we're simmering curry but... How about some cake, first? It's that what reward you should have, after a successful battle?
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Nah... I'm still kind of wired, I don't need more sugar. It smells good in here, though.
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The curry should be just about done.
[ Her hand slips from his, and she moves to lift the lid of the pot. All at once, steam and spice arises to waft about their kitchen, aromatic and homey. It would have been a better choice for a colder day, but... it's also comfort food, and it's probably appropriate for that reason alone. She serves him a plate of it with rice, but only puts the sprig of green cilantro for garnish on her own. He chose the potatoes as the vegetables, no need to add more to his plate! ] Did you know, some curries stew for days at a time?
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I've seen it done for hours, but not days. Is that a special kind?
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[ She sets the table, and takes her seat. Steam rises off her her plate, and she raises her brows at him. ]
It allows the spices to absolutely blend into whatever you throw into the pot, whether it's potatoes, vegetables, juicy meats, or tofu. When you take a bite, it absolutely melts on your tongue. The extra-slow simmer is popular on the colder Titans.
I've, or... rather, Mythra-- she's only had it once, for a special occasion. [ As he can imagine, it wouldn't be for anyone who's traveling. ]
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[If he's smelling meat in the house, he wants to eat it... though who knows what kind of expensive, slow-cooked foods he's gotten to eat in his privileged lifespan.]
Maybe we should try it sometime.
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And now that she thinks of it… ] Having a slower cooked meal— even one that just takes the afternoon to prepare— is… It’s a benefit of this world. Of not always being in a rush to the next destination.
[ So, yes. Absolutely, they should try it some time. She would like to try it sometime with him, Ignis, and Prompto. ]
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You're not wrong. I wonder sometimes if I'm taking that for granted, since I've been here so long now.
[Even with the month-or-so pause where he'd gone home to a series of nightmares, he was approaching two years now. It's a little daunting to look at it from more of a distance.]
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Then, she reaches over to place her free hand over his, smiling. She does her best to be reassuring. ] If you're doing what you want... isn't it hard to say that you're taking things for granted?
[ It's he who said something to the effect of getting to choose with whom he spend his time or doing what he wants, in this world. Supporting that-- she has to support that more for him, she reminds herself. ]
...Although, it's never to late to try something new.
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[Something new could mean a lot of things, and it could very well be something he needs to find for himself, but her input matters, too. He can't let himself forget that.]
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You always ask the difficult follow-up questions, you know that?
[ She can't decide for him! ...And there's so much he's chosen to do with his time that he wouldn't be able to do in his own world. From painting, to VR game making and design, and, yes, to battling things he's never battled.
... ]
How about I teach you how to fly the Regalia? On your own.
[ Not that she hasn't tried to explain things here and there to him, but she should give him proper lessons on flight. That way-- he can do it on his own. He won't need her, if she's gone. And as much as that's a sad thought, she wants him to thrive. Him learning how to fly won't be that difficult for him, she's sure, but the Regalia is a vehicle in which he can take to discover more things for himself. ] So... you can find the 'something new' in a wider radius.
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He isn't thinking about this as a way of thriving without her - the thought would never occur to him, at this point, as thriving is not a thing he'd be doing by any means - so he tilts his head curiously at her wording.]
You'd still come up with me sometimes though, right? If I could fly it myself.
[The flying part is exciting. The "on your own", not so much. He's not sure if most of his friends would be so eager with him behind the wheel either...]
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[ So long as he wants her in the passenger seat, she’ll be there. ] I’m sure you’d be an excellent pilot, actually.
[ And she truly believes that. Surely, since he’s so good at warping and zipping around in the air anyways at high speeds, flying a car won’t be that difficult for him to master, right….? ]
It involves a lot of spatial awareness and quick thinking, which I know you’re great at.
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