Then... Noct, don't listen to those past kings. [ It is true, Noctis can empathize with those who may hurt him. He can seek to understand them, their suffering, their reason for pushing for an end. No one is saying that the past kings hadn't suffered, or that their circumstances didn't lead them to continue by any means necessary. Noctis can see things from others' perspectives, and that's one of his greatest qualities.
But that is where it should stop. He needn't agree with them, because somehow he believes he owes it to them to suffer as they did. ] If someone pushes you and hurts you, even someone of your own family-- [ She pulls away, wanting to look at him as she speaks, wanting to see his expression and read what doubt or pain she finds there. If only she could take all of that away, if only it were that easy. ] know that they're wrong. Just because someone suffered in the past, does not mean that you must hurt, too.
There are those like Luna and your father who have endured so much, but they want something better for you.
[Her persistence is very convincing, and her words have merit, of course. He swallows hard, lifting his eyes to focus on her as she focuses on him. That pain still lingers, of course - hard to brush aside so easily - but it is... settled, somewhat. Fading in light of her efforts to push it back down again and urge him to stand up for himself.]
It's, um. It's easier. Out here. In my own head, it's just my voice, you know? I can tell myself, hey, that's not healthy. That's not fair. And fairness actually matters in this world. No one's counting on me to save everything by myself. [His lips quirk, wrestling against that heavy misery for a moment to finally crack a small smile.] And I can hear you, too. The crystal's just- it's so loud, Pyra. I don't even know how to describe it. It's just. Loud.
[Like the worst migraine, an entire cloud's worth of buzzing insects. Too many voices vying for their chance to remind him of what they sacrificed and what he was born to do. It didn't matter here, so he didn't have to listen. But it's impossible to drown it out in that place if he lingers long enough to hear them all speak.]
In some way it's reassuring-- she had been worried that the trip into the crystal, while an idea initially supported by their hope, had done more damage. It seems so common with him, one step forward, two steps back and knocked down by some force or circumstance in his world. But it seems that he's able to have a clearer mind when not in the midst of it, so he may recover.
Her head bobs up and down in a slow nod. ]
...That's... good, that it's not overwhelming you here. [ Which would be troubling if otherwise, for that would mean the reason for imparting her crystal onto him was all for nothing. ]
Yeah... I don't get the feeling that we changed anything, if you're worried about that. It's back to how it was before.
[He can't guarantee it, of course. They'd have to wait and watch for long-term repercussions, and that takes a while for obvious reasons. He'd rather not plant any seeds of worry for that though- he doesn't want her to feel bad about it, or worse, take on any blame. Just in case. It had been his request to try this, and her ability to pull them out is what's sparing him from more pain, again, just like last time when she'd granted him her crystal. She's saving him. None of this is her fault.]
[ brings her hand down to his, giving it a squeeze. That he's safe is what matters, and should he ever decide to return to seek another memory, she'll have to find a way to better prepare-- and protect-- him from the oppressive, "loud" atmosphere of the memories. Somehow, someway. ]
...If it's worth anything at all... I think you were brave, doing this. [ She pauses as doubt makes her reconsider her words. ] Not that I think you're not brave for wanting to leave because it was awful. [ Rather, she's glad he's putting himself first rather than pushing himself too much. That is far more progress. ]
[ She smiles kindly at him, but embarrassed all the same for fumbling over what she means to convey. Pushing himself is good, but not too much that it hurts him. Her encouraging him may be good in the same way, so long as it doesn't make him feel guilty for not being able to go further. She wants him to know that he has her support and love no matter what. ]
I'm proud of you for putting yourself first, and doing what you want to do.
Yeah... well, I couldn't have done it without you.
[He leans in closer, his expression softening, looking much more like his usual self than he had minutes ago. Like he'd been locked out in the cold and she opened the door for him- he's warming up again, bit by bit, and those memories were left outside.]
You're the best, you know that? Thanks for... helping me work through it. I'd be a huge mess if you weren't here.
[He's still something of a mess, but he knows himself well enough to know how much worse it could be. It's not just because of the memories. She's talking to him, asking about his feelings, helping him parse what happened without guiding too forcefully or telling him what he must think. That's the difference between her crystal and his. She lets him choose, grants him that freedom. Her power is so great but she doesn't use it against him. He can see her expression, how much she cares, she's not faceless or masked. It's what makes her more human than the gods.]
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no subject
But that is where it should stop. He needn't agree with them, because somehow he believes he owes it to them to suffer as they did. ] If someone pushes you and hurts you, even someone of your own family-- [ She pulls away, wanting to look at him as she speaks, wanting to see his expression and read what doubt or pain she finds there. If only she could take all of that away, if only it were that easy. ] know that they're wrong. Just because someone suffered in the past, does not mean that you must hurt, too.
There are those like Luna and your father who have endured so much, but they want something better for you.
no subject
It's, um. It's easier. Out here. In my own head, it's just my voice, you know? I can tell myself, hey, that's not healthy. That's not fair. And fairness actually matters in this world. No one's counting on me to save everything by myself. [His lips quirk, wrestling against that heavy misery for a moment to finally crack a small smile.] And I can hear you, too. The crystal's just- it's so loud, Pyra. I don't even know how to describe it. It's just. Loud.
[Like the worst migraine, an entire cloud's worth of buzzing insects. Too many voices vying for their chance to remind him of what they sacrificed and what he was born to do. It didn't matter here, so he didn't have to listen. But it's impossible to drown it out in that place if he lingers long enough to hear them all speak.]
no subject
In some way it's reassuring-- she had been worried that the trip into the crystal, while an idea initially supported by their hope, had done more damage. It seems so common with him, one step forward, two steps back and knocked down by some force or circumstance in his world. But it seems that he's able to have a clearer mind when not in the midst of it, so he may recover.
Her head bobs up and down in a slow nod. ]
...That's... good, that it's not overwhelming you here. [ Which would be troubling if otherwise, for that would mean the reason for imparting her crystal onto him was all for nothing. ]
no subject
[He can't guarantee it, of course. They'd have to wait and watch for long-term repercussions, and that takes a while for obvious reasons. He'd rather not plant any seeds of worry for that though- he doesn't want her to feel bad about it, or worse, take on any blame. Just in case. It had been his request to try this, and her ability to pull them out is what's sparing him from more pain, again, just like last time when she'd granted him her crystal. She's saving him. None of this is her fault.]
no subject
...If it's worth anything at all... I think you were brave, doing this. [ She pauses as doubt makes her reconsider her words. ] Not that I think you're not brave for wanting to leave because it was awful. [ Rather, she's glad he's putting himself first rather than pushing himself too much. That is far more progress. ]
no subject
[His lips quirk again, a stronger smile this time.]
That should be way more contrary than it actually is.
no subject
I'm proud of you for putting yourself first, and doing what you want to do.
no subject
[He leans in closer, his expression softening, looking much more like his usual self than he had minutes ago. Like he'd been locked out in the cold and she opened the door for him- he's warming up again, bit by bit, and those memories were left outside.]
You're the best, you know that? Thanks for... helping me work through it. I'd be a huge mess if you weren't here.
[He's still something of a mess, but he knows himself well enough to know how much worse it could be. It's not just because of the memories. She's talking to him, asking about his feelings, helping him parse what happened without guiding too forcefully or telling him what he must think. That's the difference between her crystal and his. She lets him choose, grants him that freedom. Her power is so great but she doesn't use it against him. He can see her expression, how much she cares, she's not faceless or masked. It's what makes her more human than the gods.]
no subject
[ ...And she'll take this any day over the turmoil he had endured in the crystal. Whatever else is in there, it can wait. ]