[Another pause, shorter this time, but one followed by a curt nod. There's no denying it, with the state she'd found him in. Though it's a reminder to check in on how she's feeling- it involves her even more than it did before, and he didn't know it until today.]
...Ardyn was here. We had a talk about... what we saw.
[His gaze shifts briefly to her, the look meaningful yet still cryptic, making it pretty clear what he means by what we saw, exactly. A handful of seconds later and he's back to the ceiling, brows furrowing. It's too empty... needs something up there. File that away for later.]
[ She catches his expression and his implication, but she'll be the first to look away. She delivers her answer quietly, although it's one he already knows. ]
I did.
[ And the state he had been in after was... despairing for it. Nothing she had said, no minor comfort of hope she had attempted to give seemed to have helped him or reminded him of what he had now. He had been agonized as if he had been enchanted by the future, as surely as any divine power could enchant another. And it's horrible.
Pyra closes her eyes. ] Your fates are intertwined. He is... hurting.
[ So is Noctis still, obviously. But she can lend her heart and sympathy for the both of them. Architect knows she has enough to spare. ]
[Hurting is a very gentle way of phrasing it; it's one thing to hear about what he becomes, another thing entirely to see it play out like a movie. Much like Noctis himself- he'd known that death was in his future, and he'd been learning to live with that knowledge. To watch it, to experience it viscerally and fully before it ever happens, to live every day knowing what's waiting for him on the other side of this journey... that's a new sort of heartache, haunting and painful.]
I tried to help, but... I guess there's nothing I can say or do to make it better. That's why, um. [He gestures, vaguely and unhelpfully.] The wine. He seemed like he was feeling a bit better, last I remember, but he must've left after I fell asleep.
[By his tone, he's clearly unsatisfied, but there's not much in the way of frustration about it. He knows his uses, and comfort in the face of despair is not a great strength of his. He fumbles, he's awkward. The right words don't always come to mind. He really had tried, though.]
[ She tried. She's tried before, too, other times, other conversations. It seems he only hurts, and his suffering is so great that she's reminded of how paltry hers is in comparison. ] Perhaps... it helped more than what I attempted.
[ What had helped Noctis, what had helped Somnus... such encouragement did not seem to touch Ardyn's turmoil. It is perpetual.
This does not mean she's going to stop trying to help and check in on him, to see how he is doing. ] Family is the best reminder of what he has right now, I believe.
Sure, maybe. If we can get him to accept that we still are family.
[Too often it's difficult to get him to acknowledge that they've accepted him, since he can't accept himself as anything more than a monster.]
I can kinda get it... I mean, he was alone for a really long time. It has to be hard to believe that people might care about you if you were abandoned by the whole world for thousands of years.
[ It's the same as she feels for Noctis, is she doing enough? No. She isn't. ]
Just as difficult... as it is to witness becoming a different person.
[ There is one similarity she noted, however: the Ardyn of the future seemed engulfed in despair as well. Her eyes open, seeing the blank ceiling, recalling their first conversation. Perhaps the path is already set. Perhaps a feeling of misery, betrayal of a divine cause is what the Ardyn of the future feels as well. In which case, those are two similarities.
These are only assumptions, however, and far too lost in the future of a world she plays no part. ] I am glad... he has you here. And your father, as well as the others of Eos. Patience and persistence... and reassurance. That might help, but only over time.
I probably didn't help with... y'know. My whole thing. [Oh yeah, Noct, that's real specific.] When I woke up, that first time- I panicked, almost attacked him. I couldn't even look at him for like a month. The best kind of reassurance isn't likely gonna come from me.
[Ardyn says he doesn't blame him for it, and he knows he couldn't help it to some extent, but even so, shouldn't he have been stronger? Been able to tell the difference, and stamp down the anxiety he'd felt even just hearing his voice? It wasn't exactly kingly, chickening out at every opportunity.]
[ That she did not know. She murmurs, thinking back: ] A whole month after...
[ Pyra glances at him, and then it's back to looking at the ceiling. She doubts she needs to tell him that he isn't to blame for his reaction like that, after all he's been through. Ardyn being Ardyn, she's sure he would understand, too-- although no doubt it would only reinforce the idea that he was already some sort of "monster".
The state Nocits had been in when she had found him in her own garden of flowers had been as if he was ready to become catatonic. Despite this, he still found the strength to attend his birthday celebration. That speaks to not only Noctis' strength, but how he's able to see past his own fears.
She pauses. Then quietly, carefully: ] ...Given what happens in the future, I would think that it is your reassurance and word... that counts most.
You think? [He doesn't sound so sure.] I'm the one who's going to kill him, though. I don't get how that would be reassuring.
[He can't help recalling what Ardyn had said, though- how, at that point, he might welcome it. it's a terrible thought, but one he can't quite shake either.]
He did say... he thought maybe his future self might welcome it. Dying, that is. A salvation of some kind. I don't like the idea of me being the delivery method for a mercy kill, but... that's how it'll end up whether I like it or not, I think.
[Not just Ardyn- Besithia had asked it of him as well, should he gain future memories enough to become his own kind of monster. Who the hell decided he was suitable for this? He doesn't balk at taking a life if it's necessary, but he's not a killer by nature.]
[ He’ll feel, or perhaps hear, her move her head upon the mattress move as she tilts it, thoughtful. Her expression is grim, her voice is careful. ]
It’s... a lot to ask of you.
[ Especially since they had gotten to know each other in this world.
In the future, she will ask someone to help return her to her Father. She will not tell this person the reason, and this is why: because it places undue burden upon the other. Because it is unnecessary, and she seeks no pity.
The situation is vastly different for Ardyn and Noctis, though. The two are family and well-aquatinted. Perhaps Ardyn feels it is safe to ask him. Or— ] Perhaps... it’s his way of letting you know that he will not begrudge you for what fate brings. [ She can speculate all day, though ultimately she does not know. It’s complicated, twisted, with many different layers. ]
How do you feel? [ Besides generally “not liking” it. ]
[That's also a lot to ask of him, and his hands tighten a little, brow creasing.]
I've been trying really hard not to feel anything, when I can get away with it. Guess this shows how well that's working out.
[The truth of their reality is, there's no avoiding this. He can pretend all he wants, but his mind will only let him forget for so long that he's going to die, that he's going to take Ardyn down with him, that his whole life has been leading up towards a sudden ending with no future for him. How does one not fall into despair, in light of all of that? He understands, in moments like this, just why Ardyn feels the way he does. There's no easy answer to the question of why one should even bother walking forward when what awaits you is a cliff's edge.]
It... would have been easier, if I hadn't met him here. And maybe it's a blessing that we don't remember this place. Back home, I wanted to kill him. For a while I hated him.
[He glances sidelong at her, hesitant, wondering if he should or shouldn't ask, until finally-]
When I- you saw it. You saw me. Did it look like I hated him, when he died?
[Maybe it's cruel to ask her, and that worries him, but be couldn't ask Ardyn... or maybe he was just too afraid to. He doesn't want to be that person, the sort of villain Izunia was- bitter and hateful and seeking vengeance against the one who did him wrong. A mercy kill would be better. But he doesn't know if he can trust himself to be that gentle, in the end. Was he happy to see a man die by his hand?]
[ She hesitates: after coming to the conclusion that perhaps revealing the future isn’t something most can handle, still Noctis inquires for more detail over something he has no control.
Noctis hadn’t appeared hateful in the vision. It’s not a particularly upsetting detail, she thinks— no, assumes. She is not Noctis. For all she knows, telling him could make things worse...
But he has asked, and... at the very least she can respect his choice. So, she will answer. ]
No.... No, not hateful. [ She closes her eyes, recalling the vision, the battle, the magic, the swords... the words spoken. ] You were sorrowful, calm.
[It doesn't make things worse, if that gives her any comfort. It's subtle, since he's lying down, but some of the tension in his body language ebbs away, and after a quiet moment he nods.]
...Okay.
[He won't ask her anything else about it, if he can help it. The finer details are unnecessary, he knows what's to come and what's expected of him. And he knows he's not a monster about it. Even in the end, he can still be himself to that extent. That can be enough for a while.]
How do you feel? You had to see it, too.
[It wasn't her world, or her personal death, but she still had to watch two people die all the same. And he's not sure how close she is with Ardyn, but at least one of them was a friend. Knowing it's a necessary death doesn't make watching it okay.]
[ That he doesn’t tense further but seems to relax further assuages her concern of answering his question. That’s one thing that’s good— if anything about this can be described as good.
How does she feel...?
Their fates will ensure the future. This is what matters, ultimately.
...But in the now, this is not all that matters.
She turns her head, looking at his profile. He’s asking her this, when it’s the both of them that are suffering for seeing their future— and will suffer. It is that anguish in the present for which she worries. How can she not? Each time she speaks with Ardyn, she’s reminded of how much he hurts. It eclipses all else. ]
The both of you... I worry for you. What was show was... awful.
[He's not going to deny it. He'd already acknowledged that knowing and seeing were two different things, and both hurt in different ways. When he spoke with Bahamut his chest hadn't ached with the same phantom pains as he'd carried after he broke free of the vision, he hadn't seen his own heart stopped or his last breath taken. Hadn't seen how much of an ordeal it was going to be, how he wasn't meant to just die but go through more pain, more suffering, for the sake of the world. And he still has to do it, he will, but... the gods have already asked so much of him. Why must there be more?
Those thoughts make him grimace, and stubbornly he shoves it aside. He'd done enough brooding about it today, surely.]
Neither of us had a choice to see it, but you didn't, either. I worry about you too. Not just for the memory- Ardyn must've seen you as a crystal, right?
[She's been so careful with her identity, holding her secrets close to her chest. To have it once more revealed against her will... she hadn't said anything, and that's worrisome as well.]
[ Instantly her expression falls, and she grows quiet.
Indeed, he did. And others. But only one had seemed to realize that the very entity with which they interacted was the very same that could change fate. As for Ardyn and Noctis, it seems the opportunity to seize a power to alter their futures hadn't occurred to them... from her assumption, anyway. Which, she realizes, is a dangerous one to have.
Still, the revelation of her true form compares very little to what either of them are going through. Honestly, it hadn't been on her mind in light of everyone's revelations. ] I had asked him to keep what we are a secret. [ Not that she had explained, exactly, what she is. And he hadn't asked. The secret is purely about the crystal form. ] I am more worried about you.... and the future of your world.
[Of course she is. Of course she always is. He exhales softly, halfway to a sigh. One headache replaced with another...]
My world's future is set. Remember? We both saw the sunrise. There's no point in worrying about it anymore, it's going to be fine.
[That it has to be fine without him, without a king... it's too bad, but it's not the worst fate. If he dies in his thirties it will have gone without a king for a decade already. Better to be without darkness, without daemons. His world's future is safe, and that he plays a part in that is the one good thing he has left of himself to offer to it.
Anyway, that's not what he asked, or what he wants to care about right now.]
Being worried more about us doesn't mean you're not worried about yourself. You know that's okay, right? To say it?
Her head snaps to the side, looking at him. "But what about you?!" she wants to ask, if not outright demand from him. Is he fine, right now in this moment? Is Ardyn? No, neither are.
Her own future will be fine too, and the issue of her crystal form being revealed to Ardyn is-- virtually a non-issue. She had asked him not to tell others. She hopes he honors it. But now Noctis asks after her, more insistent this time... He wants to know.
What does she say to that? She's caught. If she admits to saying that her own concerns aren't as important, that just sounds sad. She avoids such things to not draw attention or concern. But if she admits to her own grievances... she'll be, well, admitting to them. ]
If you're allowed to worry about me, I'm allowed to do the same for you.
[Not that he needs her permission to do so. Their situations are the same, of course he's going to worry. And even if they weren't, whatever her heartache, however subtly she hides it... when she's in pain or upset, he wants to help. He wants her to let him help.]
Is it another secret, are you protecting yourself? Or is it just for my sake?
[If it's the latter, he doesn't need it. He doesn't want to be protected at her expense- that's happened enough in his life, he's been sheltered for so long while others suffered. There's no reason for it anymore.]
Time and time again, he’s proven patient with her, understanding, accepting. There is only so much a man can handle; however... just like him asking for a small detail of the future, he’s asked about her well-being, too. It only takes much for her to accept that he cares beyond her power or what she might reveal.
But that’s the issue.
Eventually, she says this, quietly: ]
Five know that I am not human. [ And while there are some among those here who she believes can suspect she isn't, she's not entirely sure they know she is only the core crystal. ]
In my world... I was— am fought over for the power I could grant.
[ ....It might not happen here. At least, not among those who know. Noctis himself is lying so close to her again, and he hasn't been tempted as far as she is aware. In the end, this is only one worry. But it will build. ]
[He doesn't want to press too much or too hard on what she's afraid to share, since it worries her and it's hard enough to get her to open up to this extent, but sometimes even a little bit of clarity can go a long way. She's shared some of her power with him before, and he might not be the only one, but she'd carefully hidden her fire and whatever her crystal is capable of, which meant they were hints to her true nature.
Being able to share power, or cast fire- they're admirable, but not any more or less remarkable than many of the other abilities that those residing here possess. The ability to see the future, though... he can see why that would be fought over, by many people. If his actions in the future made the world worse, he'd want the power to change it, surely. He needs only look at the Nox Fleuret family, and how much sway they held over the people despite Tenebrae being completely annexed by Niflheim, to know that. Prophecy and healing was fiercely sought after by anyone in their world, and for good reason.]
[ She shakes her head. That she could divine the future had been a well-guarded secret, only known to herself, Addam, and two others. It was only that: power. Raw power that could come with holding a relic supposedly gifted to the Architect.
How does she convey this? ]
...Just power. [ Status, the want to change the world, or to protect it comes second to that. ] None hurt me. [ She closes her eyes, hesitant. He needs to know.
So with a heaviness, she finally admits: ] But we hurt them, those unworthy who sought to claim us.
[ —Even members of Addam’s own family, until she had finally been passed to him. Not that at the time she can accurately say they were themselves. They hadn’t been human in any sense of the word. Everything had been— abrupt, automatic: others tried, and they were violently rejected.
She hadn't feared hurting others then. She hadn't felt anything at all. Now, she does. ]
[Noctis pauses to consider that, both words and tone. His gaze shifts away, briefly, falling to his stomach where his fingers are laced together, with the ring glittering innocently on one hand.]
I can understand that. Any power's only as good or bad as whoever's using it, right? In the wrong hands, terrible things can happen. It's better to be careful than not.
[The one judging who is or isn't worthy... they can be wrong, it's true. There have been some kings of Lucis who perhaps ought not have been worthy, who were deemed so purely by the blood in their veins. And there have been citizens of Lucis who could have been worthy but were not chosen, or at least were made to pay a high price.
He thinks of Ravus, of the injury he'd received trying to steal the ring. Noctis only knew bits and pieces from Luna, but he'd lost an arm in his hunt for power. Others have burned alive. And even he himself wasn't left unscathed. And the ring's power is... terrifying. He's glad the kings that dwell within show at least some discernment in who gets to use it.
Pyra's had to be the one to pass such judgment - along with the mysterious Mythra - and it's hard to imagine her in the same cold, calculating position as the kings of yore, but he can also see her doing what's necessary to protect the future. If that meant hurting the wrong person to keep that power away from them, then so be it.]
[ If nothing else, talking this out has made a new doubt arise, that, perhaps, some of her fears here are not as founded as they are in her world. However, another doubt manifests to counters this one: that she is merely assuming the former. Conflicted, she finds some groudedness alongside Noctis.
She does not like seeing mortals vying for her power. But she can also understand it-- perhaps, even sympathize with it-- all the way back to the man who had first stolen both her and her brother from the Architect. He wanted answers. He demanded them. Perhaps at one point, he had even wanted better. Why create a world like this, one so wrought with war and strife, one in which so many suffer, one in which its creator is silent and does nothing? And so he had stolen from the Architect himself.
Power means little without control. Power is also a conundrum: does it corrupt or does it reveal? Noctis has immense power. It hasn't tainted his heart.
Her voice drops. ]
You... understand. [ Here she is, confessing that she's hurt others for trying. He may not condone it, but... he seems to understand. ]
When I was a kid, I asked why the Crystal only belonged to Lucis, if it was meant to help everyone. It and the ring both offer so much power, but it's given only to a few of us, the family that the gods picked to protect the world. It didn't seem fair to me. But I was told that we're not using it, we're guarding it. For thousands of years we've kept it safe, gathered power over time until it was ready.
[And until he was ready. And whether or not he believes himself "worthy", it chose him, so that's that.]
When my family pulled the wall back to cover only Insomnia... when Dad agreed to the treaty that abandoned all those lands to the Nifs... or when he sent me out on a ruse just to protect me. A lot of people got hurt, or were killed. Plenty lost their homes, and they resented us for good reason.
[He exhales a soft breath, and looks at her again.]
I didn't understand for a long time. But that much power... it needs to be protected, or even more people could get hurt, or the world itself could die. I don't have to like it to know that this is better. So yeah... I get it.
[People can hate them for it- that's fine. At least they're still alive.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
...Ardyn was here. We had a talk about... what we saw.
[His gaze shifts briefly to her, the look meaningful yet still cryptic, making it pretty clear what he means by what we saw, exactly. A handful of seconds later and he's back to the ceiling, brows furrowing. It's too empty... needs something up there. File that away for later.]
You saw his future too, didn't you.
no subject
I did.
[ And the state he had been in after was... despairing for it. Nothing she had said, no minor comfort of hope she had attempted to give seemed to have helped him or reminded him of what he had now. He had been agonized as if he had been enchanted by the future, as surely as any divine power could enchant another. And it's horrible.
Pyra closes her eyes. ] Your fates are intertwined. He is... hurting.
[ So is Noctis still, obviously. But she can lend her heart and sympathy for the both of them. Architect knows she has enough to spare. ]
no subject
[Hurting is a very gentle way of phrasing it; it's one thing to hear about what he becomes, another thing entirely to see it play out like a movie. Much like Noctis himself- he'd known that death was in his future, and he'd been learning to live with that knowledge. To watch it, to experience it viscerally and fully before it ever happens, to live every day knowing what's waiting for him on the other side of this journey... that's a new sort of heartache, haunting and painful.]
I tried to help, but... I guess there's nothing I can say or do to make it better. That's why, um. [He gestures, vaguely and unhelpfully.] The wine. He seemed like he was feeling a bit better, last I remember, but he must've left after I fell asleep.
[By his tone, he's clearly unsatisfied, but there's not much in the way of frustration about it. He knows his uses, and comfort in the face of despair is not a great strength of his. He fumbles, he's awkward. The right words don't always come to mind. He really had tried, though.]
no subject
[ What had helped Noctis, what had helped Somnus... such encouragement did not seem to touch Ardyn's turmoil. It is perpetual.
This does not mean she's going to stop trying to help and check in on him, to see how he is doing. ] Family is the best reminder of what he has right now, I believe.
no subject
[Too often it's difficult to get him to acknowledge that they've accepted him, since he can't accept himself as anything more than a monster.]
I can kinda get it... I mean, he was alone for a really long time. It has to be hard to believe that people might care about you if you were abandoned by the whole world for thousands of years.
no subject
Just as difficult... as it is to witness becoming a different person.
[ There is one similarity she noted, however: the Ardyn of the future seemed engulfed in despair as well. Her eyes open, seeing the blank ceiling, recalling their first conversation. Perhaps the path is already set. Perhaps a feeling of misery, betrayal of a divine cause is what the Ardyn of the future feels as well. In which case, those are two similarities.
These are only assumptions, however, and far too lost in the future of a world she plays no part. ] I am glad... he has you here. And your father, as well as the others of Eos. Patience and persistence... and reassurance. That might help, but only over time.
no subject
[Ardyn says he doesn't blame him for it, and he knows he couldn't help it to some extent, but even so, shouldn't he have been stronger? Been able to tell the difference, and stamp down the anxiety he'd felt even just hearing his voice? It wasn't exactly kingly, chickening out at every opportunity.]
no subject
[ Pyra glances at him, and then it's back to looking at the ceiling. She doubts she needs to tell him that he isn't to blame for his reaction like that, after all he's been through. Ardyn being Ardyn, she's sure he would understand, too-- although no doubt it would only reinforce the idea that he was already some sort of "monster".
The state Nocits had been in when she had found him in her own garden of flowers had been as if he was ready to become catatonic. Despite this, he still found the strength to attend his birthday celebration. That speaks to not only Noctis' strength, but how he's able to see past his own fears.
She pauses. Then quietly, carefully: ] ...Given what happens in the future, I would think that it is your reassurance and word... that counts most.
no subject
[He can't help recalling what Ardyn had said, though- how, at that point, he might welcome it. it's a terrible thought, but one he can't quite shake either.]
He did say... he thought maybe his future self might welcome it. Dying, that is. A salvation of some kind. I don't like the idea of me being the delivery method for a mercy kill, but... that's how it'll end up whether I like it or not, I think.
[Not just Ardyn- Besithia had asked it of him as well, should he gain future memories enough to become his own kind of monster. Who the hell decided he was suitable for this? He doesn't balk at taking a life if it's necessary, but he's not a killer by nature.]
no subject
It’s... a lot to ask of you.
[ Especially since they had gotten to know each other in this world.
In the future, she will ask someone to help return her to her Father. She will not tell this person the reason, and this is why: because it places undue burden upon the other. Because it is unnecessary, and she seeks no pity.
The situation is vastly different for Ardyn and Noctis, though. The two are family and well-aquatinted. Perhaps Ardyn feels it is safe to ask him. Or— ] Perhaps... it’s his way of letting you know that he will not begrudge you for what fate brings. [ She can speculate all day, though ultimately she does not know. It’s complicated, twisted, with many different layers. ]
How do you feel? [ Besides generally “not liking” it. ]
no subject
I've been trying really hard not to feel anything, when I can get away with it. Guess this shows how well that's working out.
[The truth of their reality is, there's no avoiding this. He can pretend all he wants, but his mind will only let him forget for so long that he's going to die, that he's going to take Ardyn down with him, that his whole life has been leading up towards a sudden ending with no future for him. How does one not fall into despair, in light of all of that? He understands, in moments like this, just why Ardyn feels the way he does. There's no easy answer to the question of why one should even bother walking forward when what awaits you is a cliff's edge.]
It... would have been easier, if I hadn't met him here. And maybe it's a blessing that we don't remember this place. Back home, I wanted to kill him. For a while I hated him.
[He glances sidelong at her, hesitant, wondering if he should or shouldn't ask, until finally-]
When I- you saw it. You saw me. Did it look like I hated him, when he died?
[Maybe it's cruel to ask her, and that worries him, but be couldn't ask Ardyn... or maybe he was just too afraid to. He doesn't want to be that person, the sort of villain Izunia was- bitter and hateful and seeking vengeance against the one who did him wrong. A mercy kill would be better. But he doesn't know if he can trust himself to be that gentle, in the end. Was he happy to see a man die by his hand?]
no subject
Noctis hadn’t appeared hateful in the vision. It’s not a particularly upsetting detail, she thinks— no, assumes. She is not Noctis. For all she knows, telling him could make things worse...
But he has asked, and... at the very least she can respect his choice. So, she will answer. ]
No.... No, not hateful. [ She closes her eyes, recalling the vision, the battle, the magic, the swords... the words spoken. ] You were sorrowful, calm.
no subject
...Okay.
[He won't ask her anything else about it, if he can help it. The finer details are unnecessary, he knows what's to come and what's expected of him. And he knows he's not a monster about it. Even in the end, he can still be himself to that extent. That can be enough for a while.]
How do you feel? You had to see it, too.
[It wasn't her world, or her personal death, but she still had to watch two people die all the same. And he's not sure how close she is with Ardyn, but at least one of them was a friend. Knowing it's a necessary death doesn't make watching it okay.]
no subject
How does she feel...?
Their fates will ensure the future. This is what matters, ultimately.
...But in the now, this is not all that matters.
She turns her head, looking at his profile. He’s asking her this, when it’s the both of them that are suffering for seeing their future— and will suffer. It is that anguish in the present for which she worries. How can she not? Each time she speaks with Ardyn, she’s reminded of how much he hurts. It eclipses all else. ]
The both of you... I worry for you. What was show was... awful.
no subject
[He's not going to deny it. He'd already acknowledged that knowing and seeing were two different things, and both hurt in different ways. When he spoke with Bahamut his chest hadn't ached with the same phantom pains as he'd carried after he broke free of the vision, he hadn't seen his own heart stopped or his last breath taken. Hadn't seen how much of an ordeal it was going to be, how he wasn't meant to just die but go through more pain, more suffering, for the sake of the world. And he still has to do it, he will, but... the gods have already asked so much of him. Why must there be more?
Those thoughts make him grimace, and stubbornly he shoves it aside. He'd done enough brooding about it today, surely.]
Neither of us had a choice to see it, but you didn't, either. I worry about you too. Not just for the memory- Ardyn must've seen you as a crystal, right?
[She's been so careful with her identity, holding her secrets close to her chest. To have it once more revealed against her will... she hadn't said anything, and that's worrisome as well.]
what was shown* even
Indeed, he did. And others. But only one had seemed to realize that the very entity with which they interacted was the very same that could change fate. As for Ardyn and Noctis, it seems the opportunity to seize a power to alter their futures hadn't occurred to them... from her assumption, anyway. Which, she realizes, is a dangerous one to have.
Still, the revelation of her true form compares very little to what either of them are going through. Honestly, it hadn't been on her mind in light of everyone's revelations. ] I had asked him to keep what we are a secret. [ Not that she had explained, exactly, what she is. And he hadn't asked. The secret is purely about the crystal form. ] I am more worried about you.... and the future of your world.
no subject
My world's future is set. Remember? We both saw the sunrise. There's no point in worrying about it anymore, it's going to be fine.
[That it has to be fine without him, without a king... it's too bad, but it's not the worst fate. If he dies in his thirties it will have gone without a king for a decade already. Better to be without darkness, without daemons. His world's future is safe, and that he plays a part in that is the one good thing he has left of himself to offer to it.
Anyway, that's not what he asked, or what he wants to care about right now.]
Being worried more about us doesn't mean you're not worried about yourself. You know that's okay, right? To say it?
no subject
Her head snaps to the side, looking at him. "But what about you?!" she wants to ask, if not outright demand from him. Is he fine, right now in this moment? Is Ardyn? No, neither are.
Her own future will be fine too, and the issue of her crystal form being revealed to Ardyn is-- virtually a non-issue. She had asked him not to tell others. She hopes he honors it. But now Noctis asks after her, more insistent this time... He wants to know.
What does she say to that? She's caught. If she admits to saying that her own concerns aren't as important, that just sounds sad. She avoids such things to not draw attention or concern. But if she admits to her own grievances... she'll be, well, admitting to them. ]
Are... you worried? About me?
no subject
[Not that he needs her permission to do so. Their situations are the same, of course he's going to worry. And even if they weren't, whatever her heartache, however subtly she hides it... when she's in pain or upset, he wants to help. He wants her to let him help.]
Is it another secret, are you protecting yourself? Or is it just for my sake?
[If it's the latter, he doesn't need it. He doesn't want to be protected at her expense- that's happened enough in his life, he's been sheltered for so long while others suffered. There's no reason for it anymore.]
no subject
Time and time again, he’s proven patient with her, understanding, accepting. There is only so much a man can handle; however... just like him asking for a small detail of the future, he’s asked about her well-being, too. It only takes much for her to accept that he cares beyond her power or what she might reveal.
But that’s the issue.
Eventually, she says this, quietly: ]
Five know that I am not human. [ And while there are some among those here who she believes can suspect she isn't, she's not entirely sure they know she is only the core crystal. ]
In my world... I was— am fought over for the power I could grant.
[ ....It might not happen here. At least, not among those who know. Noctis himself is lying so close to her again, and he hasn't been tempted as far as she is aware. In the end, this is only one worry. But it will build. ]
no subject
[He doesn't want to press too much or too hard on what she's afraid to share, since it worries her and it's hard enough to get her to open up to this extent, but sometimes even a little bit of clarity can go a long way. She's shared some of her power with him before, and he might not be the only one, but she'd carefully hidden her fire and whatever her crystal is capable of, which meant they were hints to her true nature.
Being able to share power, or cast fire- they're admirable, but not any more or less remarkable than many of the other abilities that those residing here possess. The ability to see the future, though... he can see why that would be fought over, by many people. If his actions in the future made the world worse, he'd want the power to change it, surely. He needs only look at the Nox Fleuret family, and how much sway they held over the people despite Tenebrae being completely annexed by Niflheim, to know that. Prophecy and healing was fiercely sought after by anyone in their world, and for good reason.]
Did... someone hurt you for it?
no subject
How does she convey this? ]
...Just power. [ Status, the want to change the world, or to protect it comes second to that. ] None hurt me. [ She closes her eyes, hesitant. He needs to know.
So with a heaviness, she finally admits: ] But we hurt them, those unworthy who sought to claim us.
[ —Even members of Addam’s own family, until she had finally been passed to him. Not that at the time she can accurately say they were themselves. They hadn’t been human in any sense of the word. Everything had been— abrupt, automatic: others tried, and they were violently rejected.
She hadn't feared hurting others then. She hadn't felt anything at all. Now, she does. ]
no subject
I can understand that. Any power's only as good or bad as whoever's using it, right? In the wrong hands, terrible things can happen. It's better to be careful than not.
[The one judging who is or isn't worthy... they can be wrong, it's true. There have been some kings of Lucis who perhaps ought not have been worthy, who were deemed so purely by the blood in their veins. And there have been citizens of Lucis who could have been worthy but were not chosen, or at least were made to pay a high price.
He thinks of Ravus, of the injury he'd received trying to steal the ring. Noctis only knew bits and pieces from Luna, but he'd lost an arm in his hunt for power. Others have burned alive. And even he himself wasn't left unscathed. And the ring's power is... terrifying. He's glad the kings that dwell within show at least some discernment in who gets to use it.
Pyra's had to be the one to pass such judgment - along with the mysterious Mythra - and it's hard to imagine her in the same cold, calculating position as the kings of yore, but he can also see her doing what's necessary to protect the future. If that meant hurting the wrong person to keep that power away from them, then so be it.]
no subject
She does not like seeing mortals vying for her power. But she can also understand it-- perhaps, even sympathize with it-- all the way back to the man who had first stolen both her and her brother from the Architect. He wanted answers. He demanded them. Perhaps at one point, he had even wanted better. Why create a world like this, one so wrought with war and strife, one in which so many suffer, one in which its creator is silent and does nothing? And so he had stolen from the Architect himself.
Power means little without control. Power is also a conundrum: does it corrupt or does it reveal? Noctis has immense power. It hasn't tainted his heart.
Her voice drops. ]
You... understand. [ Here she is, confessing that she's hurt others for trying. He may not condone it, but... he seems to understand. ]
no subject
When I was a kid, I asked why the Crystal only belonged to Lucis, if it was meant to help everyone. It and the ring both offer so much power, but it's given only to a few of us, the family that the gods picked to protect the world. It didn't seem fair to me. But I was told that we're not using it, we're guarding it. For thousands of years we've kept it safe, gathered power over time until it was ready.
[And until he was ready. And whether or not he believes himself "worthy", it chose him, so that's that.]
When my family pulled the wall back to cover only Insomnia... when Dad agreed to the treaty that abandoned all those lands to the Nifs... or when he sent me out on a ruse just to protect me. A lot of people got hurt, or were killed. Plenty lost their homes, and they resented us for good reason.
[He exhales a soft breath, and looks at her again.]
I didn't understand for a long time. But that much power... it needs to be protected, or even more people could get hurt, or the world itself could die. I don't have to like it to know that this is better. So yeah... I get it.
[People can hate them for it- that's fine. At least they're still alive.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)