[ Carefully, since she knows so little; only enough to understand it was far more serious, and she knows how that can affect others. She sees that smile drop. She knows Pyra cares deeply where he is concerned, and that she does not like others to know when she is suffering. But Honerva has seen such a thing in her before, knows how that resonates. Pyra had refused the walk, to start with. ]
[ She tilts her head. That's not... quite an answer, or at least one she was anticipating, especially not the apologetic dip in tone. ]
... Yes, I have seen them. It looked as though a powerful energy was involved. Ardyn did not tell me much of what occurred, only that he had aided Noctis.
He saved Noct... at the cost of new scars. [ She looks down at her hands; the light in her eyes is helpless. Here it is again, the guilt that crushes her. Ardyn has suffered so much already. He's immortal, he's only had scars upon his hands before; now, he has more.
She draws in a breath. ]
That energy he had saved Noct from-- it was my own.
He saved Noctis because he would not suffer to do otherwise, new scars or not.
[ Because that was the sort of person that Ardyn was. Still, it was all too clear how this was effecting Pyra, that guilt almost palpable. Her own energy...? That seemed odd, given Honerva's experience with Pyra's energy. More to that, then. She sets her cup down, offering her hand to her proper. ]
I am. [ She says, bravely, cupping her hands in her lap. ] I am alright. I am well and healed.
[ Her fingers curl into loose fists as if she could stop them from trembling. ] But neither of them are-- or were. [ Both had been hurt, both newly scarred...
And Honerva-- Pyra lifts her head to look at the woman, guilted and pained-- Honerva is with Ardyn now. She could have seen him hurt if they hadn't succeeded in stopping the Fetter. Tearing her eyes from her, again she looks back to her hands. One breath, two steadying breaths.
"What happened?" Something terrible, something she's not likely to forget, something that nearly had killed Noctis, something that belonged to her, something that was a part of her, something dangerous-- ]
There was an object from my world... Mine. We call it the Omega Fetter. It came into this world corrupted, it was dangerous. Noctis took it into his armory, to keep it safe... and it nearly killed him.
[ All she can do is listen. There's a weight to what Pyra tells, and it is familiar. It is hurting her to speak of this.
Pyra has not taken Honerva's hand, so she reaches toward her arm instead, lightly, lest she flinch away again. A corrupted object... interfering energy, and nearly paying the price for what must have been an instinctual reaction, for safety, protection, and then to backfire... and Ardyn, of course, using his ability to take it on himself. ]
... All of that...
[ A lot to take in. But Pyra's information helps to fill in some of those gaps. ]
They... are recovering. That is what matters now. But that sounds... awful. And you've been carrying that feeling with you, haven't you.
[ When she feels Honerva's touch upon her arm, she can only glance at her for a moment before she turns her gaze away. That she would reach for her even now, knowing how important touch is to her-- for a duty to save this world, for a symbol of friendship-- is beyond Pyra's understanding. She cannot look at her.
They are recovering, yes, but.... ]
...I'm so sorry, Honerva. I'm so sorry that he was hurt. [ She could hardly face Regis when Noctis almost died in her arms. So focused she had been on Noctis, she hadn't realized she hadn't considered the same with Ardyn and Honerva. Now she's already seated next to her, when it's possible that Ardyn could have suffered far, far worse.
--And. Honerva, too. Architect, she almost took away what made Honerva so happy and hopeful. They're recovering, yes, but isn't what happened too close for comfort? ]
... I know you are. It was not your intent for such a thing to occur. That something so dangerous could be drawn here.
[ And that is the importance in this, of knowing others and their nature. Pyra has always been kind. If she weren't affected like this it would certainly be far stranger, but her remorse for it was there. Honerva well remembers a time when she could not conceive of such an emotion or the value of it.
And it had hurt, to know there was little she could do to ease Ardyn's pain in the matter, but it was still something he had chosen. His nature... because he gave so little care to himself. That stung too, but that was not Pyra's fault, either. ]
... What matters is that they recover. And you as well. Is this item still a danger?
[ She is healed. She is fine. She hasn't gotten a scratch on her, not a scar to show for it-- she hadn't been the one that nearly died. ] It's-- We repaired it.
[ She hesitates, and then goes on to explain: ] We repaired it by diving into his soul. It's there now, stable.
[ Noctis holds it still, but she worries what toll it might bring him, that he holds something that nearly killed him. He had said that he's used to having near-death experiences-- but is he truly alright? He had said he wanted to live... And she had nearly let him die... which is something he seemed grateful for, in terms of allowing him the choice instead of imposing life on him. Still, it's troubling.
Pyra looks down at her hands, helpless. No matter what she does, it seems that she causes him and others so much pain. ]
[ Physically, yes. Mentally, it is all too clear she is yet scarred, and it has not healed. ]
... Stable. I see.
[ Magic in regard to the soul is complicated, she well knows that. And yet, he did live, and by these accounts it had not altered who they were aside from the pain. ]
It is no wonder you have not wanted to go far. You are... still troubled by his state. As though all the care you could give him would not be enough. Those moments must have been so frightening to witness.
[ ...At this, Pyra reaches up from her lap to Honerva's hand on her shoulder, takes her hand in hers, and lowers their clasp to the porch. There, she sits in silence for a long while, unaffected by the cold and anything else, save for what passes through her mind.
"As though all the care you could give him would not be enough."
Then, nearly silent, she whispers: ] You understand.
[ Being frightened to lose or almost lose someone, seeing someone in pain and trying to help them. Honerva is unique in that she had been in both positions-- the one suffering from a great foreign energy harming her, and as one who would blame herself as well should something terrible happen to one of her loved ones.
She understands, so, Pyra thinks, this is right: it isn't enough, and it is right to take the blame. ]
[ The silence, and the way her hand drops as she considers it... Honerva doesn't know what got through to her or what conclusions she is drawing from it, but at least something has relented. ]
... It is familiar. To be so helpless, no matter what power lies at your fingertips. He has prevailed, but that feeling yet remains.
[ She can't tell her not to blame herself, when she would do the same, but she does not blame her. ]
If you wish to speak of it all, or simply... be, I will be here. As before.
[ "As before"... Yes, she had been there for Pyra before, almost a year ago, when Somnus left. Her presence had been comforting. ]
Honerva... you're so kind. Thank you.
[ For the offer, for sitting with her, for holding her hand; more, for working on countless projects with her, for still speaking with her after all the hurt Pyra has caused Honerva, too.
There are just far too many moments where she hurts others, and-- "To be helpless".
She cannot tell Honerva how guilty she feels that she would have let Noctis die out of respect for his autonomy, for it would be confessing that she could have brought him back to life. To someone who would rather tear the universe apart than see her son die, surely a power that Pyra does have at her fingertips to restore the dead to life would be insulting... especially not to use it for a loved one.
She shuts her eyes tightly, and her shoulders shake with an unsteady inhale. ] I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt someone you care for...
[ Pyra always calls her kind, and this continues to be strange, as much as it signals that they are both somewhat blind to their own merits.
And what is it that she looks for, with these apologies, these admissions? There is more she dares not say, a desperate quiet guilt, that someone might... justify with an admonishment, not absolve so readily. Does she seek forgiveness, or rejection?
Lightly, still holding her hand, she allows her thumb to gently rub the back of Pyra's hand. Actions that others have taken with her that she had come to learn. To give back. Pyra had held her close, when she was stressed. Could she not come to offer the same? ]
... The fact that... it might have been worse. That is what haunts you, is it not?
[ While she feels Honerva's fingers brush upon her hand in comfort, Pyra stills at her words. It does haunt her, yes. But there is another factor: ]
No.... No, Honerva... [ She admits, weakly, her voice trembling. ] It should have never happened to begin with.
[ The Fetter-- even her Artifices... Why, why did she keep those intact? It comes down to having a personal connection to them, feelings, emotions-- they are hers, she made them, Ophion is precious. After the war, she should have destroyed Ophion, too, and done away with the Fetter. Instead, she only bid Ophion to hide. Now the Fetter is corrupted which means her Artifice is, too. The Fetter came here, and it hurt not one but two people.
If she hadn't been so attached, this wouldn't have happened. ]
[ Well, there is no denying that she can relate to that. After all, she feels very much the same about her own life, and all that's occurred because of her weakness. As much as Pyra tells her otherwise.
Should never have happened. But it did, and there were scars and consequences. ]
... It should not have happened, but it has. You could not have known this would happen. That such an object would find itself drawn here. That Noctis would take it upon himself to draw it within. That Ardyn would then act as well. It has... already happened. And they will recover. They would not blame you even if it is what you feel you have earned.
[ In her (non-existent-)heart, she knows this. It's words she's said to Honerva and others before, that they cannot be blamed for events they have no control over. Still, it hurts, she hurts, and it hurts enough that it burns through her to leave only ash behind.
She's seen too many people perish-- too many, because of her. This had been too close.
Her free hand comes up to her chest, curling around the crystal there; her voice, barely a whisper. ]
[ She appears to hesitate at Honerva's suggestion, the moment long enough for a chill to settle in between them. But then something seems to give, and she moves closer by an inch, then another. Another moment passes, and she rests her head upon her shoulder. ]
They'll recover. [ She repeats, her voice less tremulous, but her spirit dampened. She feels smaller than she is, weak for taking this comfort that she needs-- guilty that she feels she needs it at all, when there are others who have suffered more. She's not the one who nearly died, and without the Architect, she cannot die. Life remains far too unfair to mortals still, and here she's harmed them more.
They'll recover, she thinks to herself. They'll recover. ]
[ Honerva waits for her to make the decision; hard not to tell that Pyra holds herself to a standard that she does not hold others to, even if she tells those same others not to do the same.
When Pyra allows herself to relent, she helps draw her close, not unlike the way that the other had supported her once before, when she had felt weakened, burdened by her own guilt, and self-loathing for it.
She reaches around, creating an embrace, lightly rubbing her back. A small pocket, in a way, in the hopes that Pyra might not feel so alone while she suffers her feelings--for them. ]
They will. They are quite resilient, you know. And we... we can fuss over them appropriately.
[ Throughout all of this, she doesn't shed any more tears-- she's done enough of that lately, leaving her only mentally weary and lost on how to move forward. "Haunt" is a good word Honerva used earlier, for it is exactly that. This incident will haunt her even as she does move forward...
She leans into the embrace, breathing in slowly, exhaling softly as Honerva comforts her. ]
You've been... "fussing" over Ardyn? How is he doing?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
You've come to check in on Prompto... He's doing better.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ Carefully, since she knows so little; only enough to understand it was far more serious, and she knows how that can affect others. She sees that smile drop. She knows Pyra cares deeply where he is concerned, and that she does not like others to know when she is suffering. But Honerva has seen such a thing in her before, knows how that resonates. Pyra had refused the walk, to start with. ]
no subject
He is scarred.
[ The way she says it, it sounds as if she's about to tack on an apology.
Ardyn is scarred, too.... which is something she realizes that Honerva might well discover one day too. ] ...As is Ardyn.
no subject
... Yes, I have seen them. It looked as though a powerful energy was involved. Ardyn did not tell me much of what occurred, only that he had aided Noctis.
no subject
[ She smiles, weakly, but it holds. ]
He saved Noct... at the cost of new scars. [ She looks down at her hands; the light in her eyes is helpless. Here it is again, the guilt that crushes her. Ardyn has suffered so much already. He's immortal, he's only had scars upon his hands before; now, he has more.
She draws in a breath. ]
That energy he had saved Noct from-- it was my own.
no subject
[ Because that was the sort of person that Ardyn was. Still, it was all too clear how this was effecting Pyra, that guilt almost palpable. Her own energy...? That seemed odd, given Honerva's experience with Pyra's energy. More to that, then. She sets her cup down, offering her hand to her proper. ]
What... happened? Are you all right?
no subject
[ Her fingers curl into loose fists as if she could stop them from trembling. ] But neither of them are-- or were. [ Both had been hurt, both newly scarred...
And Honerva-- Pyra lifts her head to look at the woman, guilted and pained-- Honerva is with Ardyn now. She could have seen him hurt if they hadn't succeeded in stopping the Fetter. Tearing her eyes from her, again she looks back to her hands. One breath, two steadying breaths.
"What happened?" Something terrible, something she's not likely to forget, something that nearly had killed Noctis, something that belonged to her, something that was a part of her, something dangerous-- ]
There was an object from my world... Mine. We call it the Omega Fetter. It came into this world corrupted, it was dangerous. Noctis took it into his armory, to keep it safe... and it nearly killed him.
Ardyn helped stabilize him.
no subject
Pyra has not taken Honerva's hand, so she reaches toward her arm instead, lightly, lest she flinch away again. A corrupted object... interfering energy, and nearly paying the price for what must have been an instinctual reaction, for safety, protection, and then to backfire... and Ardyn, of course, using his ability to take it on himself. ]
... All of that...
[ A lot to take in. But Pyra's information helps to fill in some of those gaps. ]
They... are recovering. That is what matters now. But that sounds... awful. And you've been carrying that feeling with you, haven't you.
no subject
They are recovering, yes, but.... ]
...I'm so sorry, Honerva. I'm so sorry that he was hurt. [ She could hardly face Regis when Noctis almost died in her arms. So focused she had been on Noctis, she hadn't realized she hadn't considered the same with Ardyn and Honerva. Now she's already seated next to her, when it's possible that Ardyn could have suffered far, far worse.
--And. Honerva, too. Architect, she almost took away what made Honerva so happy and hopeful. They're recovering, yes, but isn't what happened too close for comfort? ]
no subject
[ And that is the importance in this, of knowing others and their nature. Pyra has always been kind. If she weren't affected like this it would certainly be far stranger, but her remorse for it was there. Honerva well remembers a time when she could not conceive of such an emotion or the value of it.
And it had hurt, to know there was little she could do to ease Ardyn's pain in the matter, but it was still something he had chosen. His nature... because he gave so little care to himself. That stung too, but that was not Pyra's fault, either. ]
... What matters is that they recover. And you as well. Is this item still a danger?
no subject
[ She hesitates, and then goes on to explain: ] We repaired it by diving into his soul. It's there now, stable.
[ Noctis holds it still, but she worries what toll it might bring him, that he holds something that nearly killed him. He had said that he's used to having near-death experiences-- but is he truly alright? He had said he wanted to live... And she had nearly let him die... which is something he seemed grateful for, in terms of allowing him the choice instead of imposing life on him. Still, it's troubling.
Pyra looks down at her hands, helpless. No matter what she does, it seems that she causes him and others so much pain. ]
no subject
... Stable. I see.
[ Magic in regard to the soul is complicated, she well knows that. And yet, he did live, and by these accounts it had not altered who they were aside from the pain. ]
It is no wonder you have not wanted to go far. You are... still troubled by his state. As though all the care you could give him would not be enough. Those moments must have been so frightening to witness.
no subject
"As though all the care you could give him would not be enough."
Then, nearly silent, she whispers: ] You understand.
[ Being frightened to lose or almost lose someone, seeing someone in pain and trying to help them. Honerva is unique in that she had been in both positions-- the one suffering from a great foreign energy harming her, and as one who would blame herself as well should something terrible happen to one of her loved ones.
She understands, so, Pyra thinks, this is right: it isn't enough, and it is right to take the blame. ]
no subject
... It is familiar. To be so helpless, no matter what power lies at your fingertips. He has prevailed, but that feeling yet remains.
[ She can't tell her not to blame herself, when she would do the same, but she does not blame her. ]
If you wish to speak of it all, or simply... be, I will be here. As before.
no subject
Honerva... you're so kind. Thank you.
[ For the offer, for sitting with her, for holding her hand; more, for working on countless projects with her, for still speaking with her after all the hurt Pyra has caused Honerva, too.
There are just far too many moments where she hurts others, and-- "To be helpless".
She cannot tell Honerva how guilty she feels that she would have let Noctis die out of respect for his autonomy, for it would be confessing that she could have brought him back to life. To someone who would rather tear the universe apart than see her son die, surely a power that Pyra does have at her fingertips to restore the dead to life would be insulting... especially not to use it for a loved one.
She shuts her eyes tightly, and her shoulders shake with an unsteady inhale. ] I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt someone you care for...
no subject
And what is it that she looks for, with these apologies, these admissions? There is more she dares not say, a desperate quiet guilt, that someone might... justify with an admonishment, not absolve so readily. Does she seek forgiveness, or rejection?
Lightly, still holding her hand, she allows her thumb to gently rub the back of Pyra's hand. Actions that others have taken with her that she had come to learn. To give back. Pyra had held her close, when she was stressed. Could she not come to offer the same? ]
... The fact that... it might have been worse. That is what haunts you, is it not?
no subject
No.... No, Honerva... [ She admits, weakly, her voice trembling. ] It should have never happened to begin with.
[ The Fetter-- even her Artifices... Why, why did she keep those intact? It comes down to having a personal connection to them, feelings, emotions-- they are hers, she made them, Ophion is precious. After the war, she should have destroyed Ophion, too, and done away with the Fetter. Instead, she only bid Ophion to hide. Now the Fetter is corrupted which means her Artifice is, too. The Fetter came here, and it hurt not one but two people.
If she hadn't been so attached, this wouldn't have happened. ]
no subject
Should never have happened. But it did, and there were scars and consequences. ]
... It should not have happened, but it has. You could not have known this would happen. That such an object would find itself drawn here. That Noctis would take it upon himself to draw it within. That Ardyn would then act as well. It has... already happened. And they will recover. They would not blame you even if it is what you feel you have earned.
no subject
She's seen too many people perish-- too many, because of her. This had been too close.
Her free hand comes up to her chest, curling around the crystal there; her voice, barely a whisper. ]
He's... They're both. Yes. They're both recovering. You're right. You're right.
no subject
[ With her free hand, she indicates her own shoulder. ]
All the logic in the world can only do so much to dampen that feeling you carry. Rest, just a little while.
no subject
They'll recover. [ She repeats, her voice less tremulous, but her spirit dampened. She feels smaller than she is, weak for taking this comfort that she needs-- guilty that she feels she needs it at all, when there are others who have suffered more. She's not the one who nearly died, and without the Architect, she cannot die. Life remains far too unfair to mortals still, and here she's harmed them more.
They'll recover, she thinks to herself. They'll recover. ]
no subject
When Pyra allows herself to relent, she helps draw her close, not unlike the way that the other had supported her once before, when she had felt weakened, burdened by her own guilt, and self-loathing for it.
She reaches around, creating an embrace, lightly rubbing her back. A small pocket, in a way, in the hopes that Pyra might not feel so alone while she suffers her feelings--for them. ]
They will. They are quite resilient, you know. And we... we can fuss over them appropriately.
no subject
She leans into the embrace, breathing in slowly, exhaling softly as Honerva comforts her. ]
You've been... "fussing" over Ardyn? How is he doing?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)