iustaegis | IC CONTACT FOR HUGS

I don't know. Maybe? I passed out, or fell asleep, or...

[He can't help the grimace, bowing his head, his fingers twisting together uncomfortably. Awake, asleep, corporeal or ghostly- who could say? He'd felt so little of anything inside the Crystal.]

When I woke up, I was floating in this endless blue space. It didn't feel real, or at least I didn't. Like I was weightless, like my body was there but it wasn't... god, I don't know. [He gives up trying to describe it, lacking the words to truly convey. She's been a crystal herself- he held her in his own hands. Maybe she'll understand without him having to say.] Bahamut was there. He told me what I'm supposed to do, and then he left me so I could absorb power from the heart of the Crystal. I got... flashes, fragments of memories, but I don't remember much. I could've been there ten minutes or ten y-

[He stops himself, recognizing the implications of the words before he can utter them. His thirties, Pyra had estimated when he'd asked about his older self's appearance. He already knows what that means.]

I'll be there for ten years. At least that long, I think.

[And that, too, is a source of fear. To be trapped within an unknown place with no way out, separated from reality and the existence he knows, slowly losing grip on who he is. He'd felt the lingering effects when he arrived here, and it couldn't have been more than a few months at most since he still looked and felt the same age; how's it going to feel after a decade of that?]

[ Bahamut, his family's patron god, delivering an edict. A feeling of weightlessness and nonexistence. She tries to make sense of it.

Ten years, the world will spend in darkness. Ten years he'll be alone, taking in the power of the Crystal, which is inherently connected to his world, and-- not only that, but memories? ]

I'm--... I'm sorry, memories?

[He winces. He could have done without mentioning that part, and had done it by accident- he doesn't know how to explain something even he doesn't yet understand.]

Or visions, maybe. I don't know what else to call them. Bahamut, or the Crystal- it was showing me something. Too much of something, so I forgot most of it. Been trying not to think about it too much- it makes my head hurt.

[He shakes his head, rubbing a hand against his temple to stave off the headache that trying to think about it last time had caused.]

I talked to Ardyn about it last month. He said it sounded similar to what he went through when he accidentally absorbed the memories of people he was fighting, so... that's why I said memory. It's the closest thing either of us could come up with.

[ His explanation makes it sound painful to endure. Who would want visions imposed upon them without warning, consent?

Much like anyone who had touched her crystal. And with Noctis, it seems that he doesn't get a break, not in his world or this one.

She glances away, her grip growing slack. ] It's something you never asked for.

[He hesitates. The real answer - when has he asked for any of this? - is one she doesn't deserve, and it seems as if the truth is only going to hurt her. His gaze drops to where their hands are joined, and carefully he lowers the one at his head to curl around hers, cupping it in both of his own. He doesn't want her to let go, or to think for a second that she's done something wrong, or hurt him, or anything like that. She made an innocent offer; it isn't her fault that he'd reacted so poorly.]

I didn't, but I might need it one day. Why else would it show me anything? Maybe they'll be important, or there's info in them that'll teach me how to use the Crystal's power... I don't know. But it can't be for nothing, right?

[The gods have had this ancient plan all laid out for him, for centuries, millennia, and while so much of it had been painful to endure, each time it had served a purpose, made him stronger and closer to the Chosen King he was born to be. This is just one more step, surely. If he lets himself question it, he might start questioning everything else, too.]

[ The gift of knowledge is a blessing as much as a curse. The infinitude information she had received, relayed to her from all over the world, is something she had been built to process and handle. For a mortal, even receiving a single vision of the future can prove to be their undoing, or at the very least as she's seen here, highly debilitating. Can they overcome it and use that information for better, to make themselves stronger? She believes they can. She believes some can, while others may despair.

She believes Noctis can find is way. So, she nods: yes, it's-- ]

You... can overcome. And learn from it. Whatever it shows you, I'm sure you can. [ She seems to hesitate, and she lifts her gaze. Brow knitted, her tone picks up in worry. ] But, I don't like how it's hurt you.

It's not... overwhelming you now, is it?

[He shoots her a weak, wry smile at that.]

Not really a fan of it, myself.

[The hurting, at least. The rest is... very much a mixed bag. He likes gaining power- it's exhilarating as it is exhausting, and it had made him feel bit by bit like he deserved the moniker of Chosen. Reality may be bittersweet, but it'd come with enough perks that he doesn't regret all of it.

His expression sobers a moment later, considering her question. Overwhelming... it isn't a simple yes or no answer, much as he wishes it were. He'd spent most days after leaving Insomnia trying not to feel overwhelmed. Compared to this, nearly all of those experiences ought to be a walk in the park; he can remember each and every one of those memories, good or bad, but they didn't feel so... heavy... in comparison. This feels more like the literal weight of the world just out of his reach- and he's content to leave it there, out of his mind, or at least behind a wall protecting him from it.]

It's fine. Mostly fine. I don't really think about it. If I try to, it's like... [He lifts his hand and spreads his palm out from his head, a bursting gesture. Firecracker, explosion. The threat of overwhelming.] I get the feeling I'm not supposed to keep them yet... I probably wasn't supposed to leave the Crystal until I was done cooking, if you get me.

[He's not ungrateful, even if the burden is a heavy one to carry. He'd rather be here, as himself, not that thirty-year-old stranger who'd stared back at him from the mirror or someone with a collection of memories he never earned. But there's no denying that sense of wrong he feels, sometimes.]

[ "Mostly fine" is probably as ever fine as it can get. She's not fine with it, and if not thinking about it is how he copes-- ah, she can't say that's the best, but it's the best he has in this moment.

The world is waiting for him, when he returns. The people are. The kings are. Somnus is. Noctis will restore the light to him, consumed by madness. She knows this, because he told her.

But that's there. This is here. Noctis is here, and so is she. Reinforced by his hand coming to hold the both of hers in return, she answers his wry smile with a sad one of her own-- at first. ] Do you remember how despondent you had been, when you woke up months ago? I wonder... how long you had been in your Crystal. That already seemed like so much.

[ Her gaze drops at the memory, thinking back to how miserable he had been. Granted, he had been miserable not just because of being trapped in a Crystal, but also because of all the other hardships he endured up until that point, too. Pyra breathes out, and she looks at him, managing a small smile despite herself. ]

There's such a thing as an overboiled egg. But you're still standing. [ Months had gone by since then. He's also smiled in the interim. ] I think that... [ A pause, and she nods, as if passing one more thought through her mind before she finishes, squeezing his hands: ] I think that your resilience shines greater than the light of your Crystal.

[He's overboiled enough eggs in his lifetime - an easy enough meal when you live alone - to find the comparison fitting yet gruesome, and he nods with his lips tightly pursed. He's... trying not to crack under the pressure, and what she says is true, he has been handling it. Maybe not always well, and maybe he still wrestles with it- like now, when the idea of touching a crystal makes him freeze up like an untested soldier fresh on a battlefield, rather than a king or the chosen of the gods who really ought to be more openly courageous from the start. Trying is better than not, though. And he's trying, he truly is.

He exhales shakily, quiet for a long moment, then ducks down until his forehead presses up against her hand as he holds it, eyes closing.]

Geez, you always... how do you just say that kind of stuff? How do you know?

[Like she was made to encourage people. He hopes that she's not pushing herself too hard to be strong for him. Luna did that, and they both deserve better.]

If I start drifting... will you bring me back? What worries me most is losing myself, or forgetting what's real. But I won't, if you're with me.

[Too many memories that aren't his own, and where would he be? Where would Noctis end and the unknown memories begin? How would he know to separate the two? She doesn't know everything about him, but she knows enough. She'd notice, if he suddenly wasn't himself, and he trusts her to call him back.]

[ How does she know? What a silly question, she thinks. He's magnificent in a way he will never be able to know himself, and perhaps this is the tragedy of loving another: that they cannot adore themselves the way the one who loves them does. But by the stars above she will do all she can to encourage him to believe more in himself.

She hadn't even considered he was at risk of losing himself until he says it, to say nothing of having the line between reality and a vision blurred. Drifting, he calls it. It sounds more like breaking apart, and having every bit of the pieces replaced with something else.

She doesn't want that, either. Can she bring him back? She would, in this world. But if that is his fate in his own...

She doesn't want to think about it. She doesn't want to be tempted to do, or offer, something she shouldn't.

Closing her eyes as his forehead rests against hers, her voice is quiet. ] I'll pull you back.

[ She releases one hand from their hold to lift it up to the back of his head, sifting her fingers through his hair. The hand still upon his tightens, then relaxes. Her shoulders rise, then fall, and she pulls away slightly to look at him, her hand coming fro the back of his head to the side of his face. ] Listen... Noct. Listen.

I'll pull you back to the present. I won't let you go.

[ So many lights he had been trying to hold, all those months ago. She can't carry so many. She would snuff them instead from a touch. But if-- if it's possible... couldn't she hold his light? Can't she try to? Can't she caress it and cherish it close to her chest and keep it safe? To not let it fall, to not let it go. ] Okay?

[It should be absurd, how comforting it is to hear that should he falter and begin to fragment, someone is there to help piece him together again; nevertheless, the relief he feels can't be measured. Ardyn had promised the same, to take his hand and pull him back from the edge if he began to wander from reality, someone who would recognize the signs of it happening and understands how it can feel. Even if it never happens again, even if he's able to forever lock away those fragments of whatever Bahamut shoved into his mind, knowing he has a few people to lean on is enough that he can relax a little. He's not alone. Very rarely has he been alone, either here or on his world. He was alone in the Crystal, so as long as he's not... he can stay as himself. He can believe that for a while.

He stays like that for a long moment, just watching her expression, trying to hold her gaze and letting her quiet certainty ease his worries. He nods, finally, and lets his eyes close. Okay. Okay. She's got his back.]

...Will it hurt?

[He slides a hand up between them, fingers touching her shoulder, his thumb brushing up against the fabric next to her crystal. Not connecting, not yet- still hesitant and not sure of how it works. But he's not trembling anymore, even if he won't yet look at it.]

[ She hesitates not because she has to think of an answer, but because she’s surprised that it seems he’s still wanting to go through with meeting Mythra. Even now, he pushes through (or tries to).

He doesn’t have to. Not for her. ]

No.... No, it won’t. You’ll fall asleep, just— just for a little bit.

[ And then he’ll wake up inside. Rather, his soul, or what comprises of it will, while his physical form will remain here.

His hand upon her shoulder is close to the core crystal set upon her chest. The form is her, the light is her. Or— she is it, a sealed, imperfect form of what she is truly supposed to be.

She becomes uncertain. ] Ah... I should say, it shouldn’t hurt.

Did it... hurt you, when it took you in your world?

[Her hesitation is echoed by his own. He... doesn't like this. This whole negative honesty thing. It only ever serves to harm the ones he cares about. It shouldn't hurt, she says... that's a better answer than he usually receives, isn't it? He has no reason not to trust her in this. And it's not as if he's afraid to feel a little pain if it does happen. He wants to meet her- Pyra's other half. Even if it hurts, like last time.

His gaze drops, finally looking at the deep, glimmering blue light of her crystal. It's different. It's similar, but it's different.]

...It's fine. [Power is painful, crystal and light and energy- all of it hurts him. The ring, the Armiger, the god's energy and voices in his head. The ruthless grip of his crystal, the way it drags life from him as it did every monarch that came before. He's learned this. He's learned to accept this.] It's worth it.

[ The future is indeed worth fighting for. Suffering for. Dying for. He'll find no arguments from her there, as unfortunate as it is, this is their reality. Comparatively, however, she believes she has it far easier. She isn't hurt by power, she's the one who can hurt others with it. All of whom she's come to love are already dead, while he has so many he could lose. He's had scant few decades in life, while she's had eons existing as a crystal. He has it worse, his burden is worse, his pain is worse, and that, too, is also the reality. ] For the world... mm.

[ But for Mythra? There is no call to action here. He doesn't need to hurt in this world, not for her (hypothetically, because she's not sure it will). He doesn't need to suffer. She doesn't want him to. More importantly, she doesn't want him to think that suffering and sacrifice is something he should accept, just because it might make her (or others) happy. That's not right. It would never sit right with her. ]

But it's not worth it-- not to risk harm to yourself for me. [ She looks up at him, her voice heavy with emotion, urgency: ] It's not right. You don't need to feel pain in this world.

[They could have an argument about this, back and forth and back again, what's worth his pain and what isn't. Needs versus wants. And yeah, maybe he doesn't have to hurt himself for her sake. She doesn't have to do anything for him, either, but she has- so much. She's done so much, and she doesn't even acknowledge or place much value on her efforts. He'd told Prompto not so long ago, when confessing that they were together, that she made him happy. She made him smile and laugh and feel warmth (and sometimes heat) he's not experienced before. She helps him relax, comforted him in his grief. So often when he sees her, he feels better even on the good days. She can't fix all his problems, but her support has meant the world to him after so long.

Isn't that worth it? Worth at least trying? He thinks so.

He's also very, very stubborn, so when he looks up to meet her gaze once more, there's a firm glint in his eyes, his jaw set.]

Mythra's... important to you, isn't she?

[ She notices the newfound firmness in his expression, which only worries her more. And confuses her. How can he say this? ]

--Not as important to me as you.

[His response is simple: the same firm look, this time edged with some annoyance, both helping to push the last of his lingering fear away from the forefront of his thoughts.]

That's not an answer.

[Come on, he answered her.]

[ There's a brief, guilty look before she responds. She looks at him, then away, and at length, she exhales. ]

Of course she is. [ One of her hands leaves his to come up to her chest, placing it over his that lingers close to the crystal. ]

But she can wait. We can wait for you. We don't want to hurt you.

[He frowns as she looks away, lifting his hand to catch her chin and try to guide her back to him.]

Hey- I trust you. [And he does, truly. It would be terrible to let her think otherwise.] If you don't think it'll hurt me, then I'm sure it won't. So it's okay, right?

[He figures that's a safer answer than telling her he doesn't mind if it hurts a little, which is true. Not... ideal... but he wants to see that excitement on her face again, when he'd agreed to try. He wants her to be happy, and it would be such a small thing, by the way she described it. He just has to fall asleep, and he's good at that.]

[ His hand catches her chin, and she’s guided back to look at him. Face to face with his earnestness, she cannot deny him. The wording works, too. Trust. He knows how to convince her.

He trusts that she won’t hurt him, or at the very least, she won’t mean to. She can freely express this want: she does not want to hurt him. She wants to trust in him, that he won’t hold it against her if she does. Or that he will tell her it does, and not try to push through it just for her sake. She wants to know if he’s harmed, she wants to know if he needs comfort. She’ll be there for him.

But he wants to do this, and slowly, she nods her assent. ] Okay.

[ Her fingers tighten over his, the line of her lips expresses her uncertainty, but it passes.

Pyra lifts his hand from her and lets go, stepping slightly away. Lifting both of her hands up to gesture at the crystal, her tone is somber: ]

Place your hand upon my chest.

[This should be happy, he thinks- pushes himself to remember that. It should be exciting, getting the chance to meet the mysterious Mythra. He'd been invited to by Pyra, even! Each time before, he'd had to ask about her. Now it's finally on her terms, and she's welcoming his curiosity. It shouldn't hurt, and who knows what he'll learn about Pyra through this? That alone would be exciting enough to not hesitate.

It was supposed to be exciting when he was "crowned" by his own Crystal, too, and look how that turned out.

So he does hesitate, just for a few moments more, before he shoves off his uncertainties, refocusing on his stubbornness to follow through. It's not the same, and they trust each other, and he wants this. That all the incentive he needs to try.]

...Okay... here goes.

[Before he can second-guess himself again, or before she can change her mind in order to protect him, he reaches out to touch her crystal, ready for whatever comes next.]

[ The crystal shines brighter as soon as he makes contact with it, and within moments the world and his vision will vanish around him, as will his consciousness as it is swept up, engulfed by the glow of the crystal. It pulls him in-- not forcefully, but guiding, as if lifting him up into an embrace, enveloping him in light.

He'll next awaken upon a lush field of softs, green grass and blue, cloud-dotted skies. From the warm, gentle breeze that rustles the flowers of the prairie, it may feel as as if it is late spring in this realm, or perhaps early summer. Behind him is a forest, and before him a single tree that looms at the top of the modest hill; beyond that he might hear birdsong, echoed only by the distant toll of a bell of a humble, empty town just beyond the summit.

He lies within the shade of that tree on the hill, and should he blink he'll feel another's presence: Pyra's. Blink again, and he'll find that he's not resting upon the grass, but that his head is upon Pyra's lap, her hand upon his forehead. Her expression is that of patient concern as she gazes down at him, as if he had been waiting for him to open his eyes. When he does, she smiles. ] ...You're awake.

[ He is the first of another world to be here, and she quietly marvels at that fact. She's didn't invite him here to keep him safe, as this place could certainly do so, or to bring him back to life, or to explain exactly what this place is to him... She's here to make an introduction.

But first: ] How... do you feel? [ Not hurt, she hopes. ]

[He blinks several times in response at first, taking in the sights as he carefully sits himself upright. It's... definitely not what he'd expected in the slightest. There's no weightlessness, no oppressive presence of a god or the soul of an entire star. It both looks and sounds warm, inviting, like waking up at a haven in Duscae surrounded by nature. Rather than ethereal and lonely, the grass is beneath his skin, the landscape is etched in beauty, and Pyra's here.

How does he feel?]

I... feel normal. [He glances down at his hands, and they look the same as ever. Clenching them, they seem real. He's not about to float away.] I feel like myself.

[Gods, more than anything he feels relieved. It's just as she said- it didn't hurt at all. Letting that relief show in his expression, he turns his attention back to her.]

What is this place?

[ Relief causes her shoulders to dip with a sigh. He's not hurt. He's fine. Nevertheless, there's a delay before she responds, and she shifts to allow him to sit up, remaining seated beside him. ] We call it... Elysium.

[ She glances at him as he seems to adjust to the realm itself, clenching and clenching his hands. Pyra looks outward, as if her attention has been caught by the breeze that rustles her hair forward. ]

This realm is... recreated from a memory. [ Her brow furrows, then relaxes. ] A half-forgotten one. [ Or a sealed one. It can't be right, what she's remembering of this place-- jagged pieces of a puzzle that are just out of her and Mythra's reach, kept from her-- but it doesn't matter. Her reminiscing isn't why she's here, and the mystery of it for herself will have to wait.

She looks back to Noctis, and doing so makes her smile return, because it's Noctis with whom she sits and is here with her. Noctis, who is safe. ] But, you can call it something like a home to me.

Elysium... paradise?

[The word is familiar to him, a variant of ancient Lucian that reminds him of home. It sure looks like it could be a paradise, if it stayed this peaceful all the time. A part of him wants to flop down on her lap again and go back to sleep, let the soft ambiance of nature lull him into a nice, cozy nap.

He resists the urge, tempting as it is. He's here for a reason. He does lean a little against her though, her shoulder warm against his own.]

It's beautiful... it looks like something out of a dream.

IC CONTACT

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[ Pyra ♢ Mythra ♢ Pneuma [ new post here.]

[ new post here.]

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[ Pyra ♢ Mythra ♢ Pneuma
[ new post here.]